HM's Critiques

(31)

•I'll be giving positive and negative opinions. How you respond to the feedback is up to you.•

✰ Author: FParungao
✰ Book Name: The Golden Seal
✰ Score: 25 ☺︎︎

✰ Cover:
The cover is not something I would choose for my book however I love it and I probably would pick a book off a shelf with that cover.  (5/5)

✰ Blurb/Summary:
Again, the summary is exciting and compelling. I like the use of rhetorical questions and the three phrases in the sentence. I wouldn't change it. (5/5)

✰ Writing Style:
Firstly I love the opening of the first chapter. A great way to immediately hook the reader in is by writing a descriptive first paragraph. You use a range of emotive and ambitious vocabulary which I was happy to see. I also noticed that you write speech well as it's not long and boring.
In addition to this you use a lot of adverbs in your sentence which is amazing so I'd say why not try putting them at the start of the sentence. E.G. 'abruptly jumping...' or 'heartily chuckling' instead of 'he chuckled heartily' or 'he jumped quickly.' It just sounds more interesting.
The main thing that you must work on is keeping to the past tense consistently. It can become confusing to read and readers would become uninterested.
To show you what I mean have a look at this from one of your chapters:
'Don felt a painful pinch forcing him awake. A long sharp nail has dugged deep into his skin, which would probably left a mark'
Here is my edited version:
'Don felt a painful pinch for bing him awake. A long, sharp mail had dug deep into his skin; it would probably leave a mark.'
Avoid words like is, am, goes, has, wants.....
Focus on words ending with 'ed' and words like had, was, wanted, got, etc
(8/10)

✰ SPAG
There were grammar errors and some minor spelling mistakes. Try to include punctuation like hyphens and colons and make sure you use full stops at the end of sentences- mainly in speech. (2/5)

✰ Characters/Plot:
Although I tell writers not to include images or gifs in between writing I love and appreciate the character portraits you made. You built the characters personalities and they are all unique. The storyline line is also peculiar as it's something I have not read before. Well done, I enjoyed reading it. (5/5)

✰ Recap
Your writing style is quite good and your storyline is great. Try to include the things I said, but first edit your chapters for any spag errors (spelling, punctuation and grammar). Alternatively, get an editor to help you.

~Thanks
❁ Comment & Vote