HM's Critiques

(21)

•I'll be giving positive and negative opinions. How you respond to the feedback is up to you.•

✰ Author: sharkwholovestoread
✰ Book Name: Another Fantasy
✰ Score: 18

✰ Cover:
The cover is not eye catching and needs to be more creative- with the title on it. (2/5)

✰ Blurb/Summary:
The first sentence doesn't really go with the blurb and doesn't make sense.
There's a spelling error: "truly" in the next part and you need to use capital letters.
Perhaps try something like this "She never felt like she truly belonged anywhere and it wasn't until some mysterious events at school that she realised this. Follow Annie on her journey in to a new world and through the unknown. A hidden past, a new place to belong and hidden revelations. Will a rule for the wrong reason kill her or will she save the world that should have been her home?" (3/5)

✰ Writing Style:
Your speech is written nicely and you don't just use words like 'said' however it could use some editing.
Check this to help you paragraph your writing more: (https://www.writersdigest.com/writing-articles/by-writing-goal/improve-my-writing/art-paragraph-applying-paragraphing-techniques-novel ) or you could try using short sentences as well as long. If you are using complex sentences include punctuation like colons or hyphens.
Also you could include more ambitious vocabulary to make your writing more interesting. (6/10)

✰ SPAG
There were some spelling errors, punctuation needs to be more varied and grammar needs some editing. (3/5)

✰ Characters/Plot:
The characters, so far, are intriguing and seem to have different personalities which is good. The story line is a bit unclear but I think that's just because you've not written much yet. Other than that well done. (4/5)

✰ Recap
Try and go through your writing first and edit any errors. Then make your writing more enticing through vocabulary and sentence structure. Furthermore, remember that capital letters are required at the start of sentences and for proper nouns.

~Thanks
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