•I'll be giving positive and negative opinions. How you respond to the feedback is up to you.•
✰ Author: LoSt_GiRl_JoUrNeY
✰ Book Name: Spark of those Eyes
✰ Score: 13/30
✰ Cover:
The cover image is good but you need to put the title on and make sure words aren't cut off. The title is good and would make me want to read the book. (4/5)
✰ Blurb/Summary:
To be honest I did not understand the blurb. It didn't make sense and there was a grammar error. Instead of "an lovely friend" it's "a lovely friend." An is used before a word beginning with a vowel: "a,e,i,o and u." It should be rewritten...
(1/5)
✰ Writing Style:
The opening of the story has a good description but again it does not make sense/ isn't proper English. A lot of words were repeated, e.g. "cool", "chilly evening" or "rhythm of the breeze." Try using different synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary. You alternate between the tenses which needs to be sorted out. As I delved into the story more I couldn't really understand it. Unfortunately, A lot of it didn't make sense and words were in the wrong order.
Let's look at an example from your chapter:
"There to my surprise I saw he, he him in that same tutorial. Don't know what to do, he was with his friends chatting and making fun."
This is my version:
"To my surprise, I saw him in my tuition class. I didn't know what to do; he was chatting with his friends"
See how simple mine is, yet describes what you wanted to say. Also something you mix up a lot is 'he' and 'him.'
(3/10)
✰ SPAG
There were some minor spelling errors. You used ellipses too much but managed to use other punctuation like exclamation marks. Grammar needs to be improved.
(2/5)
✰ Characters/Plot:
The story is quite rushed so far. Build on characters emotions and relations. However, the characters were unique and funny.
(3/5)
✰ Recap
You need to re edit your work bit by bit. Instead of repeating words find synonyms from a thesaurus or the internet- something I always do. Ensure your writing makes sense by checking the order of the words in a sentence. Perhaps you could try autocorrect.
~Thanks
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