HM's Critiques

(25)

•I'll be giving positive and negative opinions. How you respond to the feedback is up to you.•

✰ Author: macc_and_cheese
✰ Book Name: The Visionary
✰ Score: 23

✰ Cover:
The cover is nice but could be better if there were colours included. (4/5)

✰ Blurb/Summary:
The summary- although interesting- is a bit confusing, by that I mainly mean the plot of the story. What masterful plot? What is the problem? Why are the voices peculiar? Of course you don't have to reveal everything but the main thing is why are the voices special. Furthermore, the second sentence should say 'the best of the human race.'
Apart from that I was genuinely eager to read about what it would be like to live in 2050's. (3/5)

✰ Writing Style:
I loved the first chapter/intro; it was gripping, intriguing and exciting.
The rest of the chapters were equally great. I read every chapter, completely engrossed, and wanted to delve deeper into the story.
Something I did!notice was that you could work on showing rather than telling. For example instead of saying a character was angry or sad show it through their actions, words etc.
Subsequently, try to include descriptions so that the reader is able to imagine the scenes clearly. Use emotive language...
(8/10)

✰ SPAG
You didn't have spelling errors, there were some grammar errors and I do think you could use more punctuation to vary sentence lengths. For example colons or brackets. (4/5)

✰ Characters/Plot:
The characters are good so far but I'd say try to build on their personality and their emotions a bit more. The story line is amazing and I loved it. (4/5)

✰ Recap
To conclude, your story is imaginative, creating and interesting. I'd loved to see more cheaters. Try working on 'showing' instead of 'telling' and add descriptive language. Other than that- great work!

~Thanks
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