HM's Critiques

(42)

•I'll be giving positive and negative opinions. How you respond to the feedback is up to you.•
(Sorry for any delays) :)

✰ Author: manzontzu
✰ Book Name: Less Than Seven
✰ Score: 24

✰ Cover:
The book cover is exciting, eye catching and overall very clear. I would definitely choose to read a book with that cover. (5/5)

✰ Blurb/Summary:
The blurb is something I would not usually recommend, however you have obviously carefully thought of 3 sentences that link to your whole story and that hook the reader. You have successfully created a short blurb: I loved it. (5/5)

✰ Writing Style:
You first chapter was just amazing. You set the tense mood, created suspense and invited the reader to read on. Your language and sophisticated vocabulary is excellent and the paragraphs had a rhythmic flow to it. To be honest I read the opening twice. I was happy to see that you integrated both short and complex sentences in your writing and including metaphors, personification, repetition and emotive language.
Reading on into the next chapter I felt like it was a bit rushed and informal because of the way Jeremiah's actions were being described. Also, I'd recommend to cut out unnecessary descriptions like the ice cream to ensure it doesn't get boring because we already know his brother died. Comparing him to an ice cream won't really reveal anything special.
Try to include both indirect and direct speech otherwise chapters can become very lengthy.
I'd just like to praise you for the fact that you've written your story in the present tense which I understand is much more difficult as I've also written a book in the present tense.
Apart from that, further on in the chapters I'd love to see more of your vivid descriptions and more 'show' rather than 'tell'. (7/10)

✰ SPAG
Your writing didn't have grammar errors so well done. Punctuation needs to be used more. I recommend you use colons and semi colons for shorter sentences and hyphens or brackets for complex sentences. (3/5)

✰ Characters/Plot:
Firstly, I was thinking maybe you could have character thoughts in italics to make it more clearer.
Characters need to be a bit more distinctive and unique. Perhaps you could give them a specific personality trait.
The plot is fascinating and I love how you've put together the story as a whole. Continue writing your chapters and include plot twists so nothing is predictable. (4/5)

✰ Recap
Your writing is interesting and grabs the reader's attention. The descriptions are vivid and realistic and you should keep this up throughout the whole story. Widen your use of punctuation and try to cut back on speech sometimes.

~Thanks
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