HM's Critiques

(43)

•I'll be giving positive and negative opinions. How you respond to the feedback is up to you.•

✰ Author: Suzyesb3r
✰ Book Name: Two Sisters
✰ Score: N/A

✰ Cover:
I like the theme of the cover however I'd like it to link more to the title and the overall story. Instead of books perhaps you could have the silhouette of two girls.

✰ Blurb/Summary:
The blurb is good and summarises the plot however there are some errors in it. The second sentence should be: 'Selwyn is the younger sister; the black sheep.'
You don't need to establish she's the second sister as you've stated their are only two sisters and you already said they belong to a royal family.
In the next sentences I'd suggest using the word 'sibling' so you don't repeat sister twice.
Finally, in the last sentence scrap the word 'either' and leave it as 'one way or another.'
Other than that, it was actually quite intriguing. 

✰ Writing Style:
Your use of emotive language, personification, metaphors, repetition and many other techniques is excellent and makes your writing fascinating.
Also, continue starting sentences with adverbs and connectives instead of proper nouns. But remember sometimes keeping it simple is better. Try to cut back on some of your descriptions which are unnecessary, like describing food in too much detail or a hallway. 

✰ Characters/Plot (as requested)
The prologue was written so remarkably that I felt like i had to read more and more. The use of repetition and short sentences emphasised Selwyn's emotions and I felt like I was there, watching her sister betray her. The descriptions were so vivid and interesting.
Immediately, I felt a connection with Selwyn and although I could tell that she would do something rash out of rage, I sympathised with her and felt like her sister was being ignorant of Selwyn's feelings.

In chapter 1 I liked the chemistry between Selwyn and Lucrious. I could tell that Selwyn was a character that isn't able to trust others easily, perhaps from past experiences. You describe this hatred between the sisters at the start and carry on describing it, but I'd like to see it. Perhaps Selwyn and her sister can have a short encounter to actually present this coldness or distance that's building between them. I want to see the reason for this hatred live so that I can understand and sympathise with Selwyn more.

Chapter 2 leaves me in shock and further disappointment as to how Selwyn was treated in her childhood.It is clearer that Stewarlight is not a fragile little princess. I liked the scene where she saves the child; it showed she was still caring.
I felt like Selwyn needs a bit more motivation to take the big step of revenge. Perhaps her Father changes the mission to favour Stewarlight so Selwyn doesn't get a fair chance at ruling. Also, you might want to clarify why the assassin was in the castle. Other than that I'd recommend to slow down the pace in some parts unless you intentionally choose to keep a fast pace and then slow down as the revenge begins. 

✰ Recap
I would recommend putting character thoughts in italics as it can become confusing and lose the flow of the story.
The tenses are confusing as I felt like it wasn't consistent. Read through your work to ensure the tense is the same.
Furthermore, the plot so far is great- make sure in future that you add in twist and make it unpredictable.

~Thanks
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