HM's Critiques

(40)

•I'll be giving positive and negative opinions. How you respond to the feedback is up to you.•
(Sorry for any delays) :)

✰ Author: BluebirdMelodies
✰ Book Name: Dream Eater
✰ Score: 21

✰ Cover:
In the cover I like the catch line, however I dislike the image. I'd like to see something that lures the reader in, with more colour and a better image that links more to the title. Also, try to make sure the font is clear by using a different colour/shade to the image.  (2/5)

✰ Blurb/Summary:
The blurb is written incredibly well and is engrossing. I love the use of the sophisticated vocabulary and vivid descriptions of the characters. It's mysterious and it summarises the story's concept well. One thing I'd say is that one of the phrases should be 'forcefully pried his jaw open'. (5/5)

✰ Writing Style:
In the first chapter your descriptions are vivid and you use the five senses well to make the reader feel connected to the story and you effectively create a suspension of disbelief.. I did feel like there were so many characters introduced that I would forget who they were. 7 characters is a bit much in the first chapter, especially considering you introduce more afterwards. I would suggest that you perhaps cut off any unnecessary characters or introduce them slowly.
Your language techniques make your writing fascinating and I love the build up, tension and questions the story sparks in me.
In some chapters your descriptions can become lengthy so I'd recommend using both short and complex sentences. For example you don't need to describe a parking lot or the sky when a character goes shopping unless it's going to actually affect the storyline. Sometimes leaving things for the reader to imagine is better.
I'd recommend beginning chapters intriguingly and with a hook. I'm pretty sure all of your chapters began with long paragraphs of descriptions or something similar.  (8/10) ☻︎

✰ SPAG
There are grammar and punctuation errors in your writing which you should fix by reading through your work and editing against and agin. For example: you wrote 'he silently closed the door, his anger boiling he waited while for her notice his presence but it took awhile to realise that she had her ear buds.'
It should be: 'His blood boiling, he waited silently for her to notice his presence, but he realised after a while that she had her earbuds in'.  I'd like to see a wider variety of punctuation including: colons, semi colons, hyphens and brackets. These can also help you with varying between short sentences and complex sentences.  (2/5)

✰ Characters/Plot:
At times the characters can become confusing because there's so many. That being said, the plot is unique and well thought of. I like how your writing is evocative and enthralling.  (4/5)

✰ Recap
Overall, your writing in terms of language is excellent- apart from the editing that you should do to fix errors. I would recommend that you shorten some descriptions and introduce a faster pace at times.

~Thanks
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