HM's Critiques

(1)

•I'll be giving positive and negative opinions. How you respond to the feedback is up to you.•

✰ Author: Blackwriter09
✰ Book Name: Legend of FIVE: a new world
✰ Score: 20/30

✰Cover:
Personally, I do believe that you could create a more creative or colourful book cover to lure in more readers. The cover of the book describes the story as a whole. (2/5)

✰ Summary/Blurb:
The blurb is appealing, and captivating. I prefer short and to the point blurbs- which you have written. Perhaps you could include a question at the end of it, to really include the reader into the story. (4/5)

✰ Writing Style:
To begin with, I would have liked shorter or less prologues but I suppose that is up to you as the writer.
You start off the first prologue with "The boy in green was trapped in the rain." By opening with a short sentence you immediately grab the reader's attention and by not revealing his name, build suspense.
Moving on, you can provide a detailed and descriptive imagery of the setting however I feel it was elongated and should be shortened to ensure it's not boring. For example describing the wall or the horse in detail isn't necessary.
Your use of sophisticated vocabulary is excellent however I believe you should vary between simple and complex sentences- build tension through short sentences.
I would also recommend starting chapters in different ways, for instance start with a short sentence, one word or speech.
Let's have a look at this example:
The Deku Tree's bark looked different from what Link remembered. The color was faded, yet dim, as if many years had passed since Link and the Deku Tree last met. Everything about the guardian seemed older and caused Link's heart to sink.
My Version:
Colourless. Etiolated. Ailing.
The Deku Tree had aged so much it seemed as though years had passed since Link last saw it. Glancing ahead, his heart sank seeing the guardian so weak and lifeless.
Keep up with the use of metaphors, personification and repetition just don't use it too much as you did in prologue 1.
(7/10)

✰ SPAG:
It is evident you've checked your work as there were only a few grammar errors in the first chapters. As for punctuation I feel you can use a wider variety including: semicolons, colons, exclamation marks and brackets. (4/5)

✰ Characters/Plot:
I definitely loved the peculiar names of people and places and the story line is unique. It all seems mystical and it's not a typical cliche book which is a great thing.
(3/5)

✰ Recap:
Your writing and vocabulary is actually too excellent at times. Work on shortening/summarising paragraphs and including shorter sentences! It is crucial for a good book to have a good cover!
Keep up the work!

~Thanks
𑁍 Vote and comment.