I've never been so excited to go home. The strangest thing is I feel that me & Ansel & I'd relationship works when we are apart. I think because he appreciates me more when we are far apart. But it's sad because it should be both ways but you know it is what it is.
I woke up earlier than Ansel. I started to get my stuff together because unfortunately the way my plane is set up I leave later tonight. As I packed my things I ordered some breakfast for both me & Ansel. After I did that I admired Ansel as he slept. I then realized how in love I am with him.& it would suck so much if I'm right now in the flesh of reality witnessing him waking up on this morning feeling like he's not in love with me like I am with him. That thought just broke me & I went back to packing. I refuse to cry because a small part inside of me thinks that there is still hope & a small part of my mind thinks that we can get through this & we will be ok.
I wasn't done packing but just for now I stopped. I turned around & saw Ansel just sitting up.
"Good morning"
"Morning"
& then I heard the door knocked and i knew it was our breakfast.
"What's that?" Ansel asked me while I walked to the door.
"I ordered us breakfast" I yelled back so he could hear. I answered the door and got our breakfast. The man rolled it in our dining area & then left. Ansel came to out of the room to eat with me. We ate in silence until Ansel broke the silence by throwing a grape at me
"Why so quiet? Why so serious?"
"You just waited a awesome grape" I said
"Talk to me"
"I am talking to you, you grape waster"
"Why do you have half of your suite case packed? What if I was going to beg you to stay another day?"
"You won't though"
"Yes I would, I'm going to miss you too much if you leave?"
"Mmmhmmm" I said playfully
"I want you to stay"
"I have to work & make a living too"
"But I want to take care of you" Ansel said awkwardly yet funnily place his large hand on my face.
"Yeah sure,"
I got up to put my plate back on the cart but Ansel grabbed me and sat me on his lap. He pressed himself to my chest & closed his eyes. This was a bit of a shock because this is the latest and probably the only display of affection he's given to me since I've been here.
"Stay"
I was silent because it seems like he means stay in a different context.
"Stay" Ansel said then took a deep breath in and released.
I kinda just looked down at him &. Then I laid my head on his while running my fingers through his soft brown hair.
"Just stay" he said again softly.
This moment was what it was moment. It's something I hope that lasts.
We had to get out of this moment & make our way to his set. We got there & of course it was the usual him getting ready , we speak to everyone. While Ansel was shooting I was busy on my phone. I looked at the pictures from last night on the Internet. But specifically at the pictures with Shailene & Ansel. Lots of people have there opinions. But I'm not caught up in what they are saying because my opinion really counts. After looking at them I decided to stop & go on Twitter. I was going to tweet but I honestly don't know what to say. While I was thinking I didn't notice it was time for a break & Ansel made his way over to me.
