That night has seriously changed myself & everyone around us. It's been 6 months from now & the tension between everyone you can cut with a knife. Sel told Rodney he told me the truth finally but what I don't get is how everyone is acting....it felt like everyone knew this but me. Everyone was there in Miami & knew about the kiss but now suddenly everyone is acting indifferent. I really don't know why.
With all the time that had passed by so quickly I did meet someone. His name is Nick. But I feel so bad because he's really into me more than I am into him. With all the emotional scares, & draining this situation has done to me I can't even give Nick a proper chance. I wish I could say him is my escape but but its not a escape to a fresh start. It's just mask.
I did let Nick know that I just need him to be my friend. I'm not ready for a relationship. It's not about Ansel it's about me healing from this situation because with all that's going on its very likely I'll loose a friend in this. That's why I need to keep Nick around.
I was going back to New York for the weekend. I had landed back & went straight to my brother's house and we went out to eat. I got a call from Sel but I ignored it. But he texted me. I opened it. He said he's in New York & he got word I was here too & he wants to meet up. & it's important that we do. I just looked at it. I figure maybe we shouldn't but maybe it's for the sake of friendship. I feel like we are slowly sinking and I'm trying to keep from going under. I texted him back ok.
We met up at Central Park.
"We can never really stay away can we?"
"Why should we have to?"
"I didn't mean it in that context"
"Oh...well can I have a hug" Ansel asked and I gave him a hug. We stood there just staring at each other for a moment.
"I glad I get to see you"
"Me too"
"I know things between us have.....I mean I sense and feel the tension between us & I feel it's been going in awhile now & I feel like we should put an end to it. It's stressful because that's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep & I hate feeling like the way I've been feeling"
"I know what you mean & your right. It's really draining"
"I never meant to make things sour it's really my fault that things are the way they are"
"I didn't come here to place blame on each other for things Sel"
"But it is . I'm just owning up to the trouble I have caused. How do you expect to move forward with out is owning up to anything first"
"I'm here to help you & help us find some type of peace within this friendship we have. We are at odds & I can't help us get to that point until you come to yourself & be honest & give me a honest answer to my question. Do you want me to be your friend or not?"
"Y/n I can't have honest peace with you because I'm angry you let me go down this path. You let me occupy & fall for another girl. Why couldn't you been honest about how he felt about me in the first place?"
"Ansel you didn't want to be serious with me in the first place. Remember"
"But how can you have feelings for someone & let them make a mistake"
"It was easy because it was easy for you to do nothing about it either. You wanted nothing to do with us. I was nothing then & just a few months ago I was nothing to you. I meant nothing so how can I look pass that. How can I turn the other cheek for someone who I've known for years think of me as nothing. Ansel I don't belittle you as a man. You have well over the capability to make your own decisions."
"Y/n you really have no clue how much you realllly mean to me. You really have no idea how important you are to my life. I can't move forward because I know I love you more than a friend & I know you love me more than a friend. We can't be like this anymore...this back & forth it has to stop. We need to get it through our heads we are meant to be. We always were"
"But what does mean now? Ansel I'm not giving you an ultimatum I just want us to be happy & us to have a healthy situation.....we use to understand each other so well. But why is it so hard to be like that again"
"Because we are mad at each other & I'm asking for forgiveness. we need to get past this together."
"I think we should act like it never happened. Miami didn't happen, here right now never happened...." & I was cut off by a kiss. I wanted to stop him so bad but my heart and my mind & my body couldn't corporate. It was so much passion & just the most indescribable feeling ever it was great but I know this is wrong.
"How can you say you can pretend this isn't real. We are just as real as there is breathe in our lungs. We are real" Ansel said cupping my face firmly making me focus on him. He's right but it doesn't change anything.
"It doesn't matter. I'm not your first choice"
"It's not about a place Y/n it's about not playing games, & not prolonging or wasting anymore time away from someone you know you are meant to be with. We are meant to be"
"No your with"
"We broke up the night at flims "
"I don't have answer...please don't make me because I'll run"
"Don't run.....,.........even if I did I'll chase you until you get tired. I won't make that mistake again"
I removed his hands gently away from my face. He willingly lets it go away. I just stare at him in his eyes to see he's ready but I'm not. I just want to process it all
"I won't do it"
"Just give me time ok"
"Take as long as you need....im not going anywhere"
The end of the series
