I had just arrived at Ansel's place . He said he wanted to talk and he had some big news to share with me. He must have got the part in that movie he was trying out for. I'm so excited for him. It's so nice to see all his hard work I see him putting in and going to those castings and him getting a part and it's something that he likes. It makes me happy that he's happy.
When I got to the door he answered the door and let me in. I gave him a big hug & kiss.
"So tell me the good news !! I know you got the part that's what you wanted to tell me" I said excited
"Yes I got it" Ansel said happily
"See I told you that you would get it.....im so proud of you...we have to celebrate" I said excited for him
"Yes" Ansel said but he was off his energy changed & it didn't feel good.
"So I'm guessing getting the part was the only thing that you wanted to tell me....you said you wanted to talk?" I asked
"Yes...I just wanted to tell you I'll be filming in London. And I leave in two days" Ansel said uneased
"Oh" I said feeling down
"Yeah...I have to explores & get use to the setting to you know get use to my part" Ansel said
"Yeah I know & I understand. hey these things happen this is your career. Your on the go always. Just like how you are now I haven't seen you in two weeks until today so I get it...it's just London babe that's far away.....but I can always visit and I look forward to visting" I said rambling on but noticing his facial expression
"Y/n......." Ansel said
"What?" I asked confused
"Y/n I really love you. I am in love with you"
"But?"
"But I think we need to have some separation....time apart....and before you say anything just hear me out please"
"I'm listening"
"I'm going to be across the world for 4 to 8 months filming in a different time zone with a hectic schedule. I can't be the boyfriend you need me to be. I want to give you all my time but I can't and because I can't it will hurt me more to say I'm your boyfriend but when I'm
Really not because I can't put in enough time for you and I. I don't want to hurt you like that. Either way I have by what I just said but it hurts more because I don't want you to lose your trust in me & you assume things & then it just becomes a toxic relationship & I don't want to ruin us." Ansel said
I was just quiet for a moment. It was one of those moments where you kinda figure he could wake up one day at any point give you a Hollywood break up. so I guess this is the day. My dad definitely did say becareful & take extra causation with actors. Daddy never lies..... I do get what he's saying but it's just I don't see how it's any different than before. We have been together for 7 months now & a lot in his career has happened & I was there through it all & we get faced this challenge & he bails & thinks it's beneficial for us so that we can stay healthy and have a 60% percent chance of getting back together. But he's saying he love in with me??? I'm scratching my head because it really sounds like he's not in love with me enough to stay with me. I'm just saying did anyone of our American troops stop loving his girlfriend even though he was in a dangerous countries thousands of miles away putting his life on the line protecting and serving his country....but here I am with a boyfriend well ex boyfriend now wanting to break up because he will be to busy but he's no soldier. He's job is in entertainment not military. he can speak to me whenever he wants unlike a soldier who desperately wants to talk to there girlfriend. We have access to FaceTime, Skype, text, Phone call, shit a damn plane ticket to visit but I love you and I am in love with you. But I'm screwed because I'm in love with him but how can I be if he doesn't think I'm worth it
"Y/n say something"
"What do you expect me to say?"
"I don't know anything."
"Ansel I don't know what to say...I mean"
"I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to put us in the position to hurt each other. That's all" Ansel was saying
I was just quiet because this logic is stupid, if you love someone one and they are good for you stay with them. Don't be with them only when you feel like it.
"If this is what you want then cool." I said
"No I want you to be ok with this. I want to protect and better our relationship" Ansel said
"Well I understand your intentions & like I said I'll honor your wishes" I said just so he can shut up. I'm still in my thoughts & I just don't feel like talking to him or anyone els
