High On Life

60: Judaai

I cried deeply and painfully as that day when we confessed to each other, flashed through my mind, stabbing deep into my heart.

"Mera kia lena dena? Yehi to masla hai mera. Har doosray banday se takleef hai mujhe. Kiyun hai, kabhi socha ?! Pyaar karta hun, tum jaisi ghaddaar ladki se, iss liye !"

"I fuckin' fell for you, Nida. Nahi pata tha, ke itna dukh dekhna paray ga mujhe kisi se pyaar kar ke."

My heart ached inside me so hard and painfully that I just wanted it to stop and kill me.

"Kiyun kiya pyaar mujh jaisi ghaddaar(traitor) ladki se Shehryaar. Kiyun?" I whimpered as I held my head in my hands and cried.

I just sat there crying as I waited for my flight to arrive so I could just escape. His pain was eating me alive with each passing second and I wanted to end it.

Though I know deep inside that I won't be able to survive much longer without him, but at least his pain......would end forever.

Kiyun itni zaalim hai yeh duniya? Kisi ka kuch bigaaro bhi na, lekin phir bhi sab itna dukh, itna dard detay hain, ke jeena azaab ban jaata hai.

All of a sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find a girl, almost my age or probably a few years older.

"Are you...alright?" She asked rather reluctantly.

I sniffed and wiped my tears away with my hands and just silent.

"Do you mind if I...sit here beside you?" She asked and I shook my head and just looked ahead of me.

She sat down beside me and spoke. "Umm...I was at the check-in counter and...I've noticed..uh..you. Are you upset about something?" I looked back at her and she quickly added.

"It's perfectly okay if you don't want to tell. Sorry for.."

"It's alright." I spoke, cutting her through. She stayed silent and played with her fingers and I spoke.

"Just a few...problems I'm facing at home.....Problems I wish to get rid of, but can't." I told her and she sighed.

"Do you live in LA?" She asked.

"No. But I'm going to live there."

"Oh. Nice. I live there actually. I got my degree here and now planning to go back to LA for a practical work experience and possibly a job, before my parents decide to go all 'bachi ki shaadi kara do', on me. Not that I hate marriage but....you know, itna parha hai, kuch faida bhi to hona chahiye." She rolled her eyes and I chuckled.

"Jo bhi ho, shaadi humesha soch samajh ke karna...... Kabhi kabhi jo.... insaan aap se sab se ziaada pyaar karta hai na, woh aap ko zindagi bhar ki khushiyaan nahi de sakta, chahay woh jitna bhi koshish kar le......Yeh zindagi hai hi itni zaalim cheez. Gehray se gehray pyaar ko tabaah kar daalti hai." I told her as tears fell off my eyes and I quickly wiped them away.

"Aap...aisa kiyun keh rahi hain?" She asked, concerned.

"Mein jaanti hoon. I....I've been through all this. All this....torment. I'm not saying marriage is a bad thing, it's the most beautiful thing to ever exist, but not when life has plans. Plans to bail out on you with the people you love most." I sniffed, trying to hold back any more tears.

"How old are you?" She asked quietly.

"Eighteen." I told her and her eyes widened.

"E..Eighteen? You're..."

"Married. Yes." I completed her sentence.

She kept her hand on mine and spoke. "It's not life. It's Him. It's all Allah's planning. It's all a test you've been put through and...."