High On Life

60: Judaai

Nida's POV:

"Where to, miss?" The taxi driver asked.

"JFK Airport please." I replied in my shaky tone.

He released the brakes and I cried my heart out silently as the car drove away from home.

I was leaving everything behind.....My life, my two homes, a second pair of loving parents, a brother and sister, Sara, and most importantly...the love of my life, Shehryaar.

I had to do this no matter how much it kills us both because I had given him too much pain, and now when I realized my mistake, it had become too late for me to mend his broken heart.

This was the biggest trauma I was facing in my life all because of one person, one damn person who destroyed everything !!

Ya Allah mujhe meray baap ka insaaf chahiye. Ya Allah, mujhe teri zaat par bharosa hai, aur tu hi mujhe mera insaaf de ga, Shehry ko dard diye baghair.

I had no idea why I was going there but I had to stay as far away from Shehry as possible, for his own good.

I took my diary out of my handbag and just stared at it with a blurry vision as tears rapidly rolled down my eyes.

He was the reason I began writing this diary in the first place. He was a spell that I wanted to fall under, and an addiction that I wanted to lose myself in. And he was now gone....

I opened the diary, weeping, and just skipped to an empty page without even daring to look at those pages.... all those pages that held memories of him.

Dear Diary,

Marr jaaoungi uske baghair ab to, lekin marne se pehlay uss ki jaan to bacha jaaoungi......Ab tumhaare baghair aik pal bhi raha nahi jaata Shehryaar, lekin....mujhe tumhaara dil aur tumhaari jaan bohat pyaari hai aur humaara bicharna hi shayad tumhaare tootay dil ko theek kar de.

Jaanti hoon Shehryaar. Jaanti hoon tum kitne dard mein hoge yeh sab jaan kar ke mein tumhein chor gayi, lekin....waqt sab se bari dawa (medicine) hai meri jaan. Sab kuch theek karde ga yeh waqt. Yahaan tak ke....tumhaara toota dil bhi.

Kia kuch tabaah aur barbaad nahi kar diya meine tumhaari zindagi mein, uss ke bawajood tumne humesha mera saath diya, meray har aansou ko pocha, mujhe galay se laga kar kaha ke...'sab theek kar doun ga mein'..........Nahi Shehryaar, tum kaise kuch theek kartay jab mein khud hi theek nahi hona chah rahi thi?

Mama aur papa ke jaane se mera dil to toota hi, lekin na chahtay huay meine tumhaara bhi tor diya. Lekin ab nahi.....

Ab iss tootay dil ko sirf humaara bicharna hi jor sakta hai.

Mujhe maaf kar dena. Maaf kar dena Shehryaar.

The car halted after an hour and I gulped and got out. The man helped me get my bag out of the car trunk and I handed him his taxi fare and headed towards the entrance to the domestic terminals.

I dragged my luggage behind me and went to the Check-In counter for boarding. The flight to Los Angeles was the first one leaving in an hour, so I booked it and walked towards the waiting lounge.

I sat down in the waiting lounge which was pretty much empty at 3 am. He...would be waking up in an hour for Fajr, only to find out I've walked out of his life....forever.

Ya Allah please don't make this hard for him. Give me his part of the pain and make me disappear from this earth but please don't hurt him. Ya Allah, you know why I did this, and you're the only one who knows my intention behind doing this, so please don't make this painful for him.....For ammi, abbu, and....Sara.