Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by JJ: The Life and Death Contract

Title: The Life and Death Contract 

Author: TheOreoOnly

Reviewer: Jumping_Jiminys

Cover: 4/5

It is very well done, crips and sharp resolution. The only downside is it doesn't tell you much about the story. You wouldn't expect that cover from the summary.

Summary: 4/5

I quite liked the way you wrote your summary, most go for the standard stakes, character layout, but yours is more like the opening narration of a story, and I like that informal style.

Spelling, Grammar + Punctuation: 10/15

A run-on sentence -> "To definite the contract it simply meant that Ethan Hill gets my soul when I die. If anyone kills me, he gets their soul along with mine, and Ethan and only him alone can control me in any way to do evil or good." [Prologue]

A bit confused by this sentence "I laughed to myself of stupid the ruler of Darkness was." [Prologue]

I would remove the second "before" as you say it in twice in one line. I would do something like "She delicately took my hair into her hands, blew me a kiss before tugging it slightly. Using her free hand to seize my neck and throw me across the floor towards my bedroom." [C1]

I would remove the two other "once" as it's repeated. "She punched me once in the stomach, the leg and my left arm..." [C1]

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "Yes, mother," I sarcastically replied." [C1]

The sentence feels incomplete: "I stood up and opened the door even though the door was unlocked because she was deaf." The mention of Luna being deaf seemed random in the sentence and would make more sense to be mentioned in the sentence above that. [C1]

Comma needed before the dialogue "Just then Talia yelled even louder, "You fat, lazy girl get HERE now!" [C1]

I would change the following sentence. "That was one of my few moments that makes me have a small smile." to something like "That was one of the few moments that makes me smile." [C1]

"Glamour-- put simply-- makes something appear, so it fixes things like a messy house and yellow teeth I presume." [C1]

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "This is my eldest child, Chira," the thing said..." [C1]

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "Our son is outside on the blue and silver motorcycle," the woman said..."

A lowercase after dialogue "Smack me face into outer space?" he said..." [C1]

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "This is going to be an awesome day, as awesome as running on legos for hours," I sarcastically replied..."

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "...your attitude is like a wet nappy; smelly and ugly," I retorted." [C2]

Possessive apostrophe "I had already burst through the CAFE'S back door..."

I would remove the first "quickly" as you've used it twice in one sentence -> "I scanned the floor looking for any exit available while walking quickly." [C3]