Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Gnome: Mark of the Moon

Title: Mark of the Moon

Author: MaryKhah77

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 4/5

I think your summary has all the essentials in terms of content. It has everything it needs to drag a reader in and the grammar has no issues, so well done! I like that it's written in past tense—which is a cool twist to the usual present tense summaries.

My only problem, however, is phrasing. For example, I feel like the last line of your synopsis needs a little more building.—something added to the end of it to make it sound a little nicer and complete.

Here is the original:

Friendships are torn; loyalties are questioned; lives have turned forever.

I suggest added something to the end of this. Something like, "Follow Bryjane and Gillian on a heart-stopping adventure they'll never forget", to tie it all together, as it feels a little incomplete at the moment.

Overall, a wonderful summary that introduces all the essentials. The first paragraph also might need a little tweaking, but I think with a reread and edit, you'll be able to spot what I'm talking about. I also feel as if more information could be added—but summaries are usually short and straight to the point, so that is not necessary.

Grammar: 3.5/5

Your grammar was pretty decent throughout the chapters—and there weren't too many slip-ups, so well done! However, I did catch a few, so here there are:

Sometimes, you used two spaces between a full stop (period) and the next word. So, in the end it looked a little something like this (this is an example from "Letter (2/2)":

War isn't looking too good. The villages are getting destroyed all across Montrance.

(Just a side note: I love the French-sounding names for the places.) In this example, it looks a little messy and it's incorrect to have two spaces between periods. However, as I read on, I noticed you didn't make this error too much, but there were some instances and chapters where you did, so I suggest you go back and clean up the times you might have done it beforehand.

Another small error I noticed was tense errors, and they cropped up throughout all chapters:

Their duties lined up almost exactly. ["Lined" is past tense.]

When Gillian's older brother becomes King of Montrace... ["Becomes" is present tense. It should be "became".]

There were within the same paragraph, but can be solved with a reread and edit. Another error from the same chapter:

When Jane was younger, she'd hear Praxis whisper that to himself every morning... ["Was" is past tense.]

...but now, Jane tells herself that every morning. ["Tells" is present tense. It should be "told".]

This error was found in Chapter II:

"If it were up to me, I wouldn't let you go, but"—Gillian took one step forward, closing the space between them...

This is an "error" as dialogue should never end without punctuation (unless it's some form of reported speech or mimicking, but that's a different issue). I suggest you change it to something along these lines: