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Review by Gnome: The Kiss List

Title: The Kiss List

Author: WriterKidWhiz

Reviewer: GnomeMercy 

Summary: 3/5

Overall, you have a great summary. It introduces everything you need in one, and mentions your problem, too. However, I did have some problems with it.

While it's nice you talk about Carrie's friends' personalities, it isn't necessary. Always make sure you put in the information (for the summary) that is needed—and nothing more or less.

You could just say:

She isn't popular, and only has two friends: Jane and Brianna.

I also noticed a tense change:

They have a sleepover... ("have" is present tense)

...where they ended up making a Kiss List... ("ended up" is past tense)

Make sure you keep tenses consistent!

Lastly, you never mention who Marcus really is (is it Carrie's brother? Uncle? Dad?—from what I could gather, he's her brother) before mentioning him in your blurb. It's important you do so, because I didn't know who he was.

However, nice job ending it off with rhetorical questions! They made me want to read more and find the answers to them.

Grammar: 3/5

Overall, you do know some grammar. You're not too bad in general, but there are some problems. But I got most of them down, so I hope this helps!

Firstly, this is quite a small error, but (-) is a hyphen. It's used to connect to words (e.g. blue-eyed). In cases like this—when you want to use it instead of a comma—it should be either an em dash (—) (--) or an en dash (–), which is just a longer version of a hyphen (it makes it clearer what you want to use it for).

Also, this is a recurring issue, but I noticed that—throughout your entire story—there were a lot of tense changes.

For example:

It was one... ("was" is in past tense.)

...I've had it for a long time, now. ("I've" is an abbreviation for "I have" which, in this case, is in present tense.)

This is a one-time "error", but I noticed you wrote "eff"—like a censor for the "f" word—however, that is informal and not really necessary.—it loses professionalism, but I am being a bit nit-picky.

"?!" is actually grammatically incorrect. Depending on the sentence, it should be either "?" or "!". I suggest choosing the one that suits the story more and using it.

Also, if the same speaker is speaking, keep it on the same line—it doesn't need to be on its own.

In this sentence, you don't need to capitalise the "h" on "he" as it is a verbal tag (he said, she replied, they stated, etc, etc) and, hence, part of a sentence.

"Food waste is not allowed!" He reminded me, like I needed to know.

It should be:

"Food waste is not allowed!" he reminded me, like I needed to know.

Speaking of verbal tags, I noticed that, after the first chapter, you had a lot of these:

"Oh yeah. Then Bri should get here soon, too." She said.