Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Ivy: Shadow

Title: Shadow

Author: totally_not_nerdy

Reviewer: Ivy279

Title & Cover: 2/5

I read the first five chapters and I honestly have no idea why the story is called Shadow. It may be a reference to the fact she is a spy, but there was very little spy work done and she definitely did not shadow anyone. I have even less of an idea of why a flower would represent a spy story or a story called Shadow. However, the flower is beautiful, and I think the simple cover is eye-catching and elegant.

Summary: 1/5

Your summary does not tell me any information about the book. It starts with some semblance to a poem, with awkward punctuation. Then it dives into the middle of a conversation. The purpose is to build intrigue, but you left no information about either of the characters speaking. Who are these characters? Why should readers care about them? What kind of story should we expect? None of these questions are answered, and there are a couple of grammatical mistakes regarding dialogue tags vs actions beats: he murmured, he laughed. The "he" should not be capitalized.

Grammar + Punctuation: 4/5

There were a few more mistakes with dialogue tags, but overall it was fine. Grammar is not my forte, so I didn't notice too many jarring inaccuracies that would distract me from your primary storyline. Here are a few simple mistakes I spotted, but again I'm not an editor and I'm not great at catching overall grammar so I would recommend downloading grammarly to help with that.

Chapter 1: "It's more like an orchestra." ["It's" is the conjunction of it is, while "its" is the possessive form of the word.]

Chapter 4: "Good night." I waved to Vivian tiredly... [Action beat, not dialogue tag]

A dialogue tag is about how a character says something, for example, from your summary: he laughed, he murmured. The next word after a dialogue tag does not need to be capitalized unless it's a name or an official title, not even if it's a question mark or exclamation point.

Examples:

"What?" she yelled.

"I will not," said the man.

An action beat is a physical activity they do, and the next word is capitalized regardless.

Examples:

"Over there!" She pointed.

"I will not." The man shook his head.

"It's" is the conjunction of it is, while "its" is the possessive form of the word.

First Chapter Initial Impressions: 2/5

The first few sentences of your first chapter started strong, with time freezing, waves crashing, and your MC screaming. It hooks the attention but leads to a comedic anticlimactic conclusion as the reader realizes we're just talking about coffee stains. However, the remainder of the first chapter lacks the oomf that the first paragraph suggested.

We watch the MC go through a variety of interactions and briefly see her engage in surface-level relationships with friends and potential love interests. I was excited when she mentioned rank 10 because it displayed a level of detail of the organization that I thought would contribute to world-building... but it didn't. By the end of the chapter, I know little about the MC beyond the fact she's some sort of spy and she's never been to high school.