Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Sunshine: The Last Woman on Earth

Title: The Last Woman on Earth

Author: Graffon_SK

Summary: 4/5

Your summary has made me very excited to read your story, so well done! The premise is simply fantastic, you introduce the protagonist, the conflict, and the stakes at hand with cohesion and fluency. Very well done! I can't wait to hear more about Eve, why she hates the man she has to team up with, and how the conflict resolves. Great work here.

A few technical notes, though, that mostly relate to grammar:

With her back against the wall. Eve unwillingly allies herself...

This should all be one sentence, so you should use a comma instead of a full-stop. It should be:

With her back against the wall, Eve unwillingly allies herself...

Next:

Will Eve succeed? or Will she meet the same fate as her mentor? What would you do? if you were the last woman on earth?

Whenever you start a new sentence, the first word of that sentence must be capitalised. Also, 'Earth' should be capitalised, as it is used as a proper noun in that sentence. It should look like this:

Will Eve succeed? Or will she meet the same fate as her mentor? What would you do if you were the last woman on Earth? 

Grammar: 3/5

Your grammar isn't too bad, but it could use some polishing. We'll start with the basics – you have sentences that don't end with full-stops, you have sentences that don't start with capital letters, and you have lots of sentences missing commas. I recommend reading your story aloud to see where there are awkward passages, and where you need pauses for the work to remain fluent. Those pauses usually indicate that you need a form of punctuation.

Next, let's talk about dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"Switch to the other channel." Macklin said.

'Macklin said' directly refers to the dialogue spoken. It should be:

"Switch to the other channel," Macklin said.

Also, make sure you aren't mixing up verbs with their noun forms. For example:

Breath in and out.

'Breath' is the noun. It should be:

Breathe in and out.

On a similar note, you seem to be mixing up quite a lot of words with words that are quite similar. For example:

"I know what's at stack here."

I believe you meant 'stake', as opposed to stack (which is like, a stack of books). Another example:

... is being miss-used.

In that example, it should be misused.

Finally, let's talk about tenses. In the following example, you switched between tenses mid-sentence: