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Review by Kate: The Cloak of Shadow

Title: The Cloak of Shadow

Author: SpruceWolf

Reviewer: icecreamtherapy

Thank you for requesting a review from me! This review will be focused on Character Building, Writing Style and Plot.

Summary: 4.5/5

This section will be brief, because your summary pretty much contains all the elements required! Overall, it doesn't allude to the details of the conflict very much ("anything can happen"), but by structuring the two paragraphs as such, you provide sufficient information for the reader to infer that 34 will face trouble in the form of ShadowWolves.

At the same time, your summary raises questions that prompt the reader to find out more. For example, what's a colour? More intriguingly, why is 34 named after a number, and what's going to happen to him? I love the tone used as well — it's ominously suggestive, and got me excited to start reading. Nicely done!

Grammar: 4/5

It's not easy to maintain perfect grammar throughout an entire novel, and you almost achieved that. As for the few mistakes that you did make, I left inline comments to draw your attention to them.

Character Building: 4/5

On the whole, I think you've crafted well-rounded and complex characters.

For example, Lexi is shown from the beginning to have guts, but she's not completely fearless (as displayed in chapter 8.) I love that your characters have their insecurities, instead of being stereotypically perfect with self-confidence of steel.

In addition, [spoiler alert] I like how Toivo isn't fully able to accept himself for who he is after getting his colour. This boosts the realism of your story, because something so deeply ingrained as the abhorrence of ShadowWolves wouldn't be so easily uprooted. It's clear that you're creating space for internal conflict and character development, which I really appreciate.

Speaking of character development and realism, I feel that Toivo makes the decision to jump ship a little too abruptly. Chapter 22: But I'm a ShadowWolf. To join other ShadowWolves is not a crime. It appears that, to Toivo, being a ShadowWolf is only a skin-deep part of his identity. It doesn't seem like Toivo considers the ideology of ShadowWolves (and that they are first and foremost cold-blooded killers) when making his decision, but rather only focuses on how willing he is to betray his friends.

A huge part of being a ShadowWolf is believing in their ideology, hence there is a bit of a disconnect between the focus of Toivo's thought process and what should be at the forefront of his considerations. Given that he was just leading the attack on the ShadowWolves, and the fact that his personality is very much at odds with those of the warmongering ShadowWolves, Toivo's decision to switch camps may come across as illogical to the reader. His character suddenly undergoes a drastic change without a clear and strong reason.

On another note, consider providing more insight into Dawn's feelings when she realises her brother is leaving her (in the prologue), so as to make it feel less wooden. You could afford to lengthen that scene and describe it in more detail, including the emotions of Dawn.

Writing Style: 4/5

First, I love how you intersperse a bit of humour in certain scenes to relieve tension. That made reading your story more enjoyable, and kept me hooked.

Next, let's discuss the anthropomorphism of your wolves. The only books I've read that are centered around animals are Watership Down and Warriors, both of which give characters the intelligence and speech ability of humans, but keep most of their other characteristics (such as body language and instincts) animalistic.

In terms of description, I noticed you use phrases such as "dark circles under her eyes" and "broad smile spread across his face". I'm not sure if it's common in animal stories to use such human-like description (because animals don't get dark circles nor do they smile to express happiness), so if you would like to revise these phrases, you can consider the following suggestions: "her gait was lethargic" to express tiredness, and "his eyes shone with happiness".

In addition, the wolves in your story write, sit on chairs, and drink tea. While I thought this was interesting, there is a lack of description required for the reader to buy into it fully. Do the wolves lap tea from a bowl, and hold writing tools between their teeth? As they lack thumbs, it would be a bit of a stretch for the reader to accept that the wolves grasp cups and pens in their paws. With a bit more detail, you could bridge this logical gap and boost the realism of your story.

On the point of logical descriptions, take a look at this sentence. Chapter 30: [Joeonto] had been kind yet slightly short with her and Damon, like they were beneath him and he should not be dealing with them. This sounds to me like Joeonto was condescending towards Lexi and Damon, which makes the sentence confusing because one can't quite be condescending and kind at the same time. To resolve this, you could consider removing the description of him as kind.

Chapter 32: Thea was enjoying herself, dashing from wolf to wolf and mending their many scratches. It might make more sense if Thea were distressed, or overwhelmed by the number of casualties she has to tend to. Even if she enjoys her healing work, it's unlikely she derives pleasure from there being numerous injured wolves.

On another note, your action scenes are well-written. They consist of short, punchy sentences, which really get the job done. At the same time, you could consider injecting a bit more detail on what the characters are feeling, and not just describe what they are doing. Perhaps they've been caught in the thick of battle, so you might describe how their lungs burn, their legs ache or their cuts sting.

Regarding the moment where Angel sprints along a stretch of beach to save a SeaWolf (chapter 37): maybe you could provide a bit of insight on her emotional state. Describe her desperation or her fear, for example, so the whole scene feels more alive.

Plot + Originality: 4/5

To begin, I absolutely love the idea of different types of wolves and their abilities, and I was excited to read about 34 getting his mark and his colour. Plus, I thought the themes of harmony and acceptance were very appropriately represented through the rainbow colours of the wolves. 

At the same time, I had quite a number of questions while reading the book. These could be answered with the addition of a bit more background information, and with more worldbuilding. Here are some of the crucial questions that, if answered, will make your story much more complete.

- Why did the Shadow Wars take place to begin with? What makes all the ShadowWolves malicious?

- What are the Canines? When were they formed, by who were they formed, and what is their purpose? How are their members selected?

- It appears that some types of wolves live in distinctly different habitats (Mystic in the mountains, Snow in the Cold Realm, Sea in the Undersea Palace), so once a pup gets his colour, does he leave his family for the group of wolves that he now belongs to (assuming they live in a different location)? How do families consisting of different types of wolves live together?

- How does the magic of the different types of wolves work? We got to see some of it in action, but there was little explanation as to the mechanics of it (which would be really interesting to read about!)

- What kind of hierarchy or governing system exists amongst the wolves?

OVERALL SCORE: 20.5/25

There's no doubt that you're a natural writer. If you fill in the gaps in your plot and polish your descriptions, this story will be even more enjoyable than it already is. Keep going! I'm looking forward to book two.