Sapphire's Review Store 2.0

Review by Sunshine: Tears' Curse

Title: Tears' Curse

Author: LindaLsc

Summary: 3.5/5

There are some great things happening in your summary. I love the rhetorical question at the end, and generally, the entire summary is cohesive and fluent. There is a clear conflict, a clear purpose of the protagonist, and some beautiful language littered throughout it. If there was anything I'd ask you to expand on, it would be the 'things turn more complicated' – it would be great to give the reader a bit of a teaser on how things turn more complicated.

Additionally, I think you're missing the stakes a bit. You say at the start that her purpose is to protect the world from the forces of evil. Well, what will happen if she fails? Maybe consider rephrasing the rhetorical question so that it is: Will Miracle be able to complete her mission in the world of mortality, or will... [insert stakes here]?

Next, clarity. There were a few moments of awkward phrasing.

But because of the curiosities live in mortality's breaths upon the existence of dragons, she could not use her elements as much as she wishes to.

The entire sentence is a bit confusing, but the main thing is that it should either be: But because of the curiosities living in... or But because of the curiosities that live in... for the clause to be grammatically correct. Also, since the rest of your summary is in present tense, consider changing 'could' to 'can' so that it is consistent. 

Grammar: 3/5

Overall, I thought your grammar could use a bit of work here and there, as it made the writing quite awkward and difficult to read at times. Don't worry, though, I'm here to help.

A lot of the issues I found had to do with dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"We're right on time." Fleynx said as he took out a glowing red potion, "here, drink this."

The dialogue tag is only relevant for the first bit of dialogue. It should be:

"We're right on time, Fleynx said as he took out a glowing red potion. "Here, drink this."

Also, when a character is being interrupted, you still need the closing inverted commas after the first character spoke. For example:

"You don't understand! –

"Most of our friends are gone, Master."

It should be:

"You don't understand—"

"Most of our friends are gone, Master.

There were a lot of tense issues when it came to verbs. Let's go through a few of the examples. Please note: these are only a few. There were a lot more, so I suggest going back and revising your chapters.

When Miracle reached home earlier than the twins who was still held back in school...

Since 'twins' is plural, it should be:

When Miracle reached home earlier than the twins who were still held back in school...

Another example: