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Review by Sunshine: Queen of Atlantis

Title: Queen of Atlantis

Author: jessicasimpson101

Summary: 3.5/5

You have a captivating summary. Usually, I'm not the biggest fan of first-person summaries, but I did really enjoy how you executed it – it still introduces a bit of the character, it introduces the conflict, and it hints that something big is going to happen. Well done! I do wonder, though, whether you could make it just that slight bit less vague by saying how she knows everything is going to be snatched away from her. That way, your summary feels more cohesive, and it covers all the elements a summary needs.

Additionally, the excerpt you use is effective in that it doesn't spoil the story, but rather, lead to more questions. Be cautious, though: too long of a summary wouldn't fit at the back of a novel, and also, if you are going to use an excerpt, ensure that it is polished and grammatically accurate. I will discuss this more in the grammar section itself, so that I'm not repeating myself.

This point actually carries across to the rest of your summary. Your summary should be polished. You use commas in places where you don't need commas, and your ellipsis at the end should only contain three periods (...). Otherwise, good work! 

Grammar: 3/5

Your story was pretty easy to follow and read, so great job on keeping it relatively polished! However, there are a few things that need revising.

First of all, be careful of words that are similar but different. One of these examples is envelope and envelop. Envelope is the noun – like the paper we use to enclose a letter. However, envelop is the verb, which means to cover or wrap. So, in the following example:

I let water envelope me.

That is incorrect, as you have used the noun instead of the verb.

Also, watch out for pendent vs pendant. Pendent is the adjective, meaning that it is hanging down or it is used to describe something that is in the pending process. A pendant, however, is the piece of jewellery. You wrote pendent in your story, when you were supposed to write pendant.

Next, you use commas incorrectly. For example:

With dark hair and the kindest hazel eyes, I have ever seen.

In that above example, if you were to read it aloud, there would not be a pause between 'eyes' and 'I'. They are not independent clauses. The comma in unnecessary.

Now, let's talk about dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"I just wanted to rest for tomorrow's competition." I say.

In the example above, 'I say' directly refers to the dialogue being spoken. It should be:

"I just wanted to rest for tomorrow's competition," I say.

Another example:

"I know that," he places his forehead against mine.

'He places his forehead against mine' has nothing to do with how the words are spoken – they have to do with Sam's actions. Therefore, it should be: