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Review by Lone Wolf: Meadow Child

Title: Meadow Child

Author: Fayesther

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf (who also says:  I'm sorry it took so long! A lot was going on in my life and I finally had some time recently...I'm really sorry for the wait!) 

Summary: 4/5

I liked the format of it! Though it did remind me of poetry (which I'm not so great with...). I feel like the formatting should be similar to how you write a majority of the story (not counting the prologue). 

Grammar: 3/5

I think a majority of it is okay. However, in your dialogue tags, instead of commas, you use periods. There are areas where you switch between past and present tense (I'm talking about the verbs you use, which can also play into the point of view of the story, as in first or third view).

Character Building: 3/5

There were parts of the story that you definitely did well on, like describing how her mom acts at home, dejected to the point of not even bothering to get to know her daughter. I really liked how you portrayed her mom in this; it was incredibly realistic. Some writers tend to write bad parents as completely and utterly abusive, but there's a whole other side to it. Having a lack of interest in your own child, especially when they know it, strains relationships on a whole new level. There's a certain innocence in Meadow that I think we all have within us, which you showed amazingly! But the lack of descriptions makes it hard to imagine the scene. Where are they in the scene? Are there any quirks or mannerisms that each of the women do? If her mother is so lethargic, does she take baths, smell weird, or have stringy, oily hair? There's so many things you can do with the descriptions.

Writing Style: 3/5

I love the switching between the diary entries and the chapters! It's a really good flow and gives great insight to the characters' minds, especially right after the chapter is done. Some of the paragraphs seem a little long and repetitive to me (but that's just my opinion).

You seem to switch between verb tenses occasionally. I feel like it's accidental, like when you write it's (which gives the feeling of it is, instead of it was). There are other times where you don't use commas to split up a longer sentence or unnecessarily capitalizing a word when it's not needed. Simple like things could be found with an editor (the ones we have in our community are pretty good!)

Plot + Originality: 4/5

Definitely unique. The plot is a little slow, and you really caught me off guard with the introduction of Daisy! But it was a good surprise. I've seen writers turn the main character (in  this given situation) into horrible human beings. There are many kids who silently suffer when they go through family drama like Meadow does in your story and I loved the realistic aspect of it. You don't make her do nasty things for attention. She's got a safe place. She told her friend she was working through some things, ​which she was doing, ​ and told her friend Louise to not ask about it and Louise respected it. I think with some editing, it'd make a great story!

OVERALL SCORE: 17/25