Used To This

~What Secrets Must Be Revealed?~

Camila’s P.O.V.

In my whole life never had it crossed my mind that I will have to be involved and witness an accident with my bare eyes. Never did it come to me that I would be able to both experience and witness such a very traumatic accident which involves the persons who are very special and dear to me.

I thought that I would be that one lucky girl who will never witness nor see such a morbid and brutal accidents especially car crashes and anything that involves blood in some sort. Never have I thought that I would be able to witness and especially experience such thing throughout my whole existence even if I sometimes am scared and fearful of what might happen in the future.

To somehow see your life, memories flashing right before your very eyes just when you think you are almost about to die was one thing I wished I wouldn't be able to experience for the second time. Because if I do, I probably wouldn't know what to do and how to live my life.

I would probably be a wreak, emotionally unstable or even have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that might turn me crazy.

5 years ago... that was the first ever accident I've had and it was with Shawn.

That accident almost cost his life but not mine...

I thought that I would lose him in just that second, I thought I would forever bear the conscience of surviving while the man whom I love was close to being severely injured and had received dangerous concussions causing him to lose his consciousness for almost a day.

The fear I had then wasn't because of me losing my life, I was scared because I thought I would lose Shawn and that we wouldn't be able to do all the things we've both promised each other. To live our whole life, to get married and have so many babies which will show everyone how madly in love we both are for each other.

I was scared because I love him, I was scared for his life more than mine...

And now, to witness another accident like that right before my eyes, to see Shawn almost losing his life again before me was too much for me to handle. I feel like I am also with him there in his car, to see it almost hitting everything on his way... I feared for my husband's life more because everyone would almost see him.

It was like a ticking time bomb that is going to explode any time soon. Like a scale which will choose either between Shawn or Connor whose life will be lost in just a matter of time.

To make it more worse our son was there to witness such thing.

Skyler was looking intently at his father's car, cheering him on for him to win as he had promised him so many things they'll do once we escape from this party. He was so excited to be with his father again once the race ends and to let him see such thing pains my heart so much.

Those 5 years that had been lost, where Shawn could've become a great father to our son as he grows up . They could've been so inseparable, no lies would've been kept...

Shawn promised him that he would do everything with Skyler, he told him that they would catch up for those 5 years that had been lost. He showed me how much he loves Skyler even if he thinks he's not his, the way he talks, the way he looked at him, the way he addressed him before everyone, he basically claimed him as his even if he was insure and unaware that it was actually the truth.

For once I felt so selfish.

At that very moment the devil inside me grew and it crossed my mind, I wished that it would be Connor who might possibly have such am injury. I know that it was such a bad thing to do, to wish for someone's life to be in danger when he is also close and a family to me... but can I do?