Used To This

~What Happens With The Almost Revelation?~

Camila's P.O.V.

Have you ever felt so scared and nervous at the same time? That there's this kind of weird feeling that's clawing you, seemingly trying to take your soul into the dead just of the possible things or reactions that may come your way. If I could actually explain it more clearly then things wouldn't be this way, there's a bit of regret and pain knowing that I wasn't able to be that strong enough to tell the truth in the past.

For years, 6 years at most now, I had been hiding behind his shadows, hoping that one day he might be able to remember me, thinking that one day he will be able to look at me in the eyes and tell me how much he loves me just like in the past. I badly wanted to hear those words from him, that he loves me even if so many years had passed or even if he was able to forget me but his heart didn't. I wanted to wait for the right time before telling him that the love we have for each other had bear fruit to a brave beautiful boy.

Regrets comes at the end they say, at first I didn't believe that, thinking that it is just a random phrase that could deceive anyone just thinking that they have made a bad decision and will only be discovered in the future. I thought that it was something I shouldn't believe in not because it sounded awful but because I feel and see that a decision shouldn't be regarded as a mistake or a bad omen.

Decisions are made in that particular time frame because it needed to be done, whatever happens shouldn't be regretted because things differs in the past and in the present as well as the future. Maybe the decisions made in the past aren't good in the future but it is in the present, maybe the decision I made wasn't good for my future but in the past it really was.

I didn't think of anyone else but the welfare of my son and of course the live of my life, Shawn had always been the most important man aside from Papa in my life. He was the first person who loved me dearly, purely and wholly even if our status in life are so far from each other especially when we met. I was thinking about his safety, his state and condition so my decision then was to not tell him anything at all.

I can say that my decision then was wrong, but I could never regret it. Things wouldn't be the way they are at this moment, Shawn wouldn't have married mez we wouldn't have fallen in love nor have this amazing growing healthy child inside of me if ever I chose to force him to remember what happened in that night.

Although I know that I am going to hurt him with all the revelations that I have to tell him, although I know that we have played with him and took advantage of him not remembering... I just had to do what I had to do then.

I am guilty for loving him too much that I still wanted him to be mine no matter how dangerous both of our lives are. Connor had always been there to push Shawn to me, he was there to help me, to watch over Shawn for me... because everything was planned.

"Are you ready?" Connor's low and calm voice resounded from the phone, clearly we both are in so much distress but as much as possible we are there for each other in hopes that we would be able to build each other up and calm down.

My hand was shaking, it was a slight shake because if the nerves that I have. My heart was besting in such an erratical pace, my head was filled with thoughts of negativity and thousand 'what if's' thinking about the worst possible case scenario in the whole world about what Connor and I had planned for today.

"I am, although I have no idea how to bring the topic up with Shawn"

With the news about Austin escaping, there's no way that Connor and I would still wait for Shawn to remember his memories. Although he have consulted Dr. Sanchez about breaking the news to Shawn, letting the whole truth in just one go he told us that we should still be careful as Shawn might not be able to take it all in.