Tough Love (ManXMan)

Chapter 36.

Jalil

The car ride is so tense and edgy, the same feeling when you're about to write an exam you didn't study for or when you've been caught in a lie. I can feel his eyes on me at intervals and his mouth will open to say something but then he'll close it again. None of us knowing how to talk about the ginormous Elephant in the room and it's just our second day living together.

The soft sound of Sade coming from the radio is the only thing making the atmosphere less awkward, Smooth operator has to be one of my favorites from her.

"So I got a letter to appear in court for the trial." He comments while drawing out the so for emphasis. He switches his hand on the steering so his right hand is free now, he attempts to put his hand on my thighs like he usually does but he pulls back last minute. I reach for his hand and intertwine his fingers with mine earning a smile from him which makes me happy.

"Do you want to?"  I ask and silence returns for a long time.

"I don't have a choice baby." His reply comes like hours later but I know it's been just a couple of minutes. Being forced to appear in court has got to suck in my opinion. "Are you mad at me?" He sounds like a baby that has been denied sweets.

"I'm not mad Romy I'm just hurt that you'd rather do that than confide in me." I reply honestly referring to midnight antics and I'd rather not think about what's between his legs.

"I feel angry and not the my favorite team lost or my sibling ate the last cookie kind of angry, the gut wrenching, running through my veins, passionate, rage fueled anger is what I'm feeling."  his hand tightens around mine as the other tightens around the steering. I don't interrupt him because I know he has more to say and I need him to know that I'll always be here to hear him out. "I'm angry because the world is filled with cruel s.o.b's, I'm angry because I got shot and could have died and missed the one chance in my life to be happy, I'm angry because on one hand I despise the woman who sold us out but deep down I know I would have done the same.... for you."

At this point we're already outside the complex but clearly in no rush to go into the house.

"Come on let's go inside babe." I kiss his rough hand softly while waiting on him to calm down. He gives me a forced smile before releasing his hand from mine and stepping out of the car and I do the same.

We walk in silence and I basically watch the precision and posture with which my boyfriend walks like he's been trained on even how to walk compared to my own sloppy walking posture, boohoo who needs exercise anyway?

I proceed to make us some ginger tea one of my favorites while Romy goes into the bedroom to change into some basketball shorts and a singlet. His upper body is practically on display as I take him in while waiting for the water to boil.

"You're blushing Princess." I fan my face to get rid of my thoughts but it's hard when the subject of my thoughts is well, right in front of me. I mumble a quick 'sorry' to which he just kisses my cheek and forehead before pouring the water into the mugs already containing the teabags. We make our way towards the couch and upon sitting my boyfriend rests his head on my shoulder and I automatically rake my fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp.

We're both in deep thought and I'll give a million dollars for his thought if I had it but I know there's a good chance I won't get anything else today so I decide on letting go of some of my own demons.

"I always felt that deep fiery anger whenever my father hit my momma and he would tie me up to watch it so I would learn how to discipline my future partner. He had diplomatic immunity so the police couldn't always do anything and she would suffer in silence and blood." I feel the tears brewing by the corners of my eyes, it always hurt to talk about or think about.

Head raised from my shoulder Romy's attention is on me the tears are falling freely now and fingers wipe it off gently.

"Felt, baby you said 'you felt' so how did you stop feeling like that?" It's very quiet question that I've not figured out in finality and it can't be the same for everyone but I try to answer in all sincerity.

"Every piercing I have except the belly button one is every-time I've felt overwhelmed with the anger and hate." I visibly see him counting my piercings, there's nine of them including the belly button one. Three on each ear, and both nipples. I cringe when I see the look of sorrow in his eyes, I don't want him to feel sad for me, I'm proud to have lived to see another day and my piercings are a testament of that and I'll wear them happily.

"But I don't want piercings Jalil." I slightly slap his shoulders as a small smiles settle on both our lips. "It's very overwhelming and consuming but I'll do my best to work through it." The determination is evident on his face and I can't help but connect our lips.

The kiss is slow as we just savor each other's lips, my hair is released from it's bun, but eventually we separate to get some air into our deprived lungs. Romy places his lips on mine again and slowly I lean back on the couch, my boyfriend hovers over me and deepens the kiss. Tongue explores my mouth and dances with mine and I have absolutely no problem with it. A small whimper escapes me as Romy bites my bottom lip but quickly sucks it gently to soothe the bite. I wound my arms around his neck to pull him closer to me, a low groan escapes him this time as I bite his bottom lip and repeat the same action as he did earlier.

"I feel safe from everything when I'm with you, you make me feel safe." He comments in a low raspy voice, honesty dripping down his voice. I want to tell him how safe I always feel in his arms too but I opt to lighten the situation.

"Then I'll always be your safety blanket to shield you away from the big bad world." I reply amidst giggles and a loud belly laugh comes from my boyfriend as he settles in the little space next to me, half on top of me and half on the couch. After a few minutes with our fingers intertwined, little puffs of air hit the side of my face and when I look to the source he's already asleep. A small smile escapes my lips at how adorable he is when he's asleep.

It's been a long day and slowly my eyes get droopy and I let sleep overtake me.