𝐓𝐇𝐔𝐆 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄.

𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍.

He gripped his hand against my ass making me glare up at him.

"You know I love you and sitting down to talk with the therapist really opened my eyes to some shit. I ain't know how much I needed that shit in my life. But it also helped me realize how much I needed you in my life. I don't like you being upset or mad, we don't have time to dwell. We've been through all them stages, we finally at the good part and the only emotion I want you to feel is happiness," Kojo said sliding the tip of his fingers against my back. He was looking up at the ceiling as he talked and continued to nod his head.

"I know, I just let little shit get to me. I've been so good about managing my feelings and I've been happy for the most part. But when it comes to Meech I feel like there's more I could've done. I was trying to be more of a supportive friend than a parental guardian," I said gazing off into space.

I lived for our pillow talks, I vented more to Kojo than I ever did to my therapist. She only met the peak of my problems, sometimes we made it to more deeper topics but she didn't know everything. I got to be more intimate about my feelings with Kojo.

He was attempting to step out of his comfort zone and I always listened. His issues with his mama and sister, the way he started hustling to make a living and the shit he had to see at a young age. His mind was corrupted, time taken, and he became this villain in his own story.

His mama kicked him out every second she got, he's spent holidays outside with nowhere to go. And he wanted to fix their relationship but it was the equivalent to beating a dead horse. There was no point, the relationship he has with himself is what's most important.

"You did nothing wrong. When did you ever wave drugs in his face and tell him he can make some money from selling that shit? You can't go with him to school every day, you did everything you was supposed to do. Don't sit here and make this your fault when you didn't cause any of it. I really hope he learned his lesson cause being locked up for five years is punishment enough,"

Five years, it struck me like a chord. I already knew but it didn't feel real to me, almost like it was a joke. Gino won't know his uncle until he's six and Jolin will be a teenager. Time will pass him by and he had nothing to show for it but maybe some facial hair and maybe gaining some weight.

Kojo was right, this wasn't at all my fault. I am in no way shape or form, responsible for him being in jail. I didn't want to be, I was hurting when they were away in foster care. He should've wanted better than jail, now he can't live out his dreams. He could but it's gonna be a thousand times harder. It's already hard being black in America, but a black felon?

I pray for him every night and I have faith that he'll change, he just needs to quit looking for someone to guide him. You have to lead yourself, this is your story and the only person that can write it is you. He failed to realize that this isn't a shared journey, we go through these things to find a deeper meaning within ourselves.

"Can you hold me?" I looked up to Kojo, shifitng in my spot. His warm arms embracing my body tight.

"I'll hold you for as long as you need me to. I love you," he stroked my back and I nodded in his chest.

"I love you,"

-

"Jolin, don't take him too close to the water and stay in my view," I yelled out as I held a coconut in my hand, my body absorbing all of the heat from the sun.

I watched them, sitting in the sand. Him being a toddler, she could learn a lot from her nephew. He's so carefree and brave, it makes me want that for myself. I was hoping that'd be something he kept in his heart, I'll never lead him astray.

He was slapping the sand and throwing it at her. Jolin didn't mind, she was enjoying the beach so much that not even a crab could run her off. She loved it here and so did he, I'm glad they were having a good time.

I didn't want to leave this clean air or this beach. It was our last full day here, it was fun while it lasted.

Kojo brought a plate of food over to me, blocking the sun with his body. "We need to have our wedding here," He looked around and I agreed.

"I would love that bae," I grabbed the plate from him and started eating.

"Yeah, me too. Can't wait to marry you, watching you come down that aisle gone turn me into a lil' bitch," he chuckled sitting next to me, putting his plate on his lap.

"Yeah right," I laughed just envisioning myself walking down the aisle. It seemed unreal to me, ya' girl is getting married.

Who would've thought?

"Good morning," Mama Faye walked in the sand with her large hat trying to block the sun from her eyes. "I really enjoyed this trip Kojo, thank you for inviting me,"

"Yes ma'am," he nodded and turned toward her. "Can't do nothing without you. Without you we wouldn't even be on the trip,"

"You damn right," she laughed sitting at a table, pouring lemonade into a glass. "Proud of you, glad you're giving up that drug stuff. You are doing the right thing,"

"I'm working on it Granny." He exhaled, this was hard for him, it was a lot he had to do. Leaving the drug game was hard for him. That's the only thing he really knew to take care of him, it was his way of life.

And unfortunately it wasn't that easy to leave especially with him being so young. But he's working on putting together a center for kids, he wants to give back.

Most traumatic experiences are through our adolescent years. Every kid needs somebody to let them know that it's okay and that things do get better. He was doing the right thing and I was proud of him myself.

It was beautiful watching him blossom into this caring butterfly. He was so cold hearted and condescending but now he wanted to stop doing for himself and give back to those in need.

There was too many kids dying at a young age and not enough love in the world. He wanted to show kids from the hood that there's more to life than selling drugs and being a thug.

"Thank you for the trip, the kids are having a good time and I needed this so bad. You don't even know," I smiled at Kojo, he just nodded his head at me. I turned over to the beach, watching Gino take steps toward us.

We didn't say anything out of excitement, we knew it would scare him and make him fall. But he was really walking.

"Come on to mama, baby," I cheered him on as he waddled through the warm sand.

My heart was just fluttering, my baby was taking his finally walking and I didn't miss it. Kojo didn't miss it, we were sharing this moment together.

-

another long chapter, well longer than usual 😂 crazy thing is this book was supposed to have shorter chapters than the ones i been putting out. the intent was to write 500 words since it was a short story. but there was no way i wouldve been able to tell this story with that small amount.

y'all noticing their growth? anybody? 🌚😂

but expect all the new chapters to be this length, the end is near. y'all got any theories? 🙃