The Do's and Don'ts of Writing a Story

HOW TO: A list of great comebacks

 - "You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take the day off?"

 - "Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth."

 - "Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither."

 - "If you're waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something for to eat, 'cause it's gonna be a really long time."

 - "Some day you'll go far - and I really hope you stay there."

 - "I'm trying my absolute hardest to see thing fro your perspective, but I just can't get my head that far up my ass."

 - "Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than open it and remove all doubt."

 - "I'm not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one."

 - "You only annoy me when you're breathing, really."

 - "Do yourself a favour and ignore anyone who told you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case."

 - "I don't know what your problem is, but I'm guessing it's hard to pronounce."

 - "Do your parents even realise they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right?"

- "Remember that time I said I thought you were cool? I lied."

 - "Everyone's entitled to act stupid once in awhile, but you really abuse that privilege."

 - "I can't help imagining how much awesomer the world would be if your dad had just pulled out."

 - "Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd gotten enough oxygen at birth."

 - "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said."

 - "You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine."

 - "Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humour."

 - "It's kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence."

 - "Please tell me you don't plan to homeschool you kids."

 - "You always bring so much joy - as soon as you leave the room."

 - "I was hoping for a battle of wits but it would be wrong to attack someone who's totally unarmed."