The Do's and Don'ts of Writing a Story

WRITING PROMPT: 119 sarcastic prompts

 - "Well, what can I say? I'm a badass."

 - "Define normal."

 - "Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?"

 - "Just remember if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English."

 - "Don't look for any redeeming qualities. I don't have any."

 - "It's amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm."

 - "I love you. You enormously, stubborn, pain in the ass."

 - "And you wonder why you're still single."

 - "Remind me to kill. Please."

 - "I'm listening to you. I'm just not paying attention."

 - "That's a little melodramatic, don't you think?"

 - "Were you dropped on your head?"

 - "She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there's an underground garage."

 - "She may seem like lollipops and rainbows, but I bet behind close doors she's latex and whips."

 - "If my day gets any worse, I'm asking hell they're having an exchange programme."

 - "Sorry, I don't speak bitch."

 - "If I survive, can I go home?"

 - "My middle finger salutes you."

 - "This a whole new level of moronic even for you."

 - "I don't think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let's be honest, I can barely get a straw through a Capri Sun."

 - "I don't have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel."

 - "Insanity doesn't just run in my family. It practically gallops."

 - "Oh darling, go buy a brain."

 - "Somebody's cranky." "Somebody needs to shut up."

 - "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

 - "All due respect but that's a bunch of crap."

 - "I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind."

 - "Excuse me, I have to go make a scene."

 - "What did I tell you about calling him/her the devil?" "That it's offensive to be the devil?"

 -"I heard that!" "You were meant to!"

 - "I need therapy after this."

 - "You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly." 

 - "I'm not weird. I am limited edition."

 - "I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned."

 - "I think you're weird." "I think you're boring."

 - "If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur."

 - "You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?"

 - "I'm a afraid I've been thinking..." "A dangerous pastime."

 - "I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode."

 - "Wow, there's a big surprise. I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die from surprise."