Ghosts ✔

122 • Fye

"Does it matter?" she huffed. "You two seem to do great."

"We do," Dana said after a deep silence. "Listen Fye. You know how much I love him. I've never tried to hide it. Apart from my son, he's the most important person in my life. Can you really blame me for going to him when he was trying to end his life?"

Fye didn't answer. The tears were stinging in her eyes. 

"I just don't understand how you can be with someone like him, Dana," she said eventually, feeling suffocated. "With someone who beat up his girlfriend."

"Someone who had betrayed him." Dana sighed. "Sweetheart, I'm not saying that I approve of what he did. How he treated you was wrong, very wrong, and he knows. But you revealed his deepest secret, and you did it for him. For me. Because you wanted to take away the one thing that was still separating us."

Fye gritted her teeth. What was she trying to tell her? That she should be happy with the outcome, because Juice and Dana were together now? Yeah – back then she'd wanted them to reunite. But that was before Juice beat her up, before Dana turned her back on her. 

"I don't have a lot of friends, Fye. I lost many of them, but I care a lot about the few that are still left. You are one of them. Despite the fact that we loved the same man, we could always get along pretty well. I'm not sure if you want to see if our friendship can still be saved, but I really hope so." Hesitating, Dana took her hand in hers. "I make mistakes too. I also do things wrong. How I treated you is just one example. And yes, I'm sorry. I thought Kip could make you feel safe, and the fear of what Juice would do petrified me. I couldn't lose him, Fye. And if I hadn't gone to him that night, he would have been dead now. It wasn't some desperate cry for attention. He hated himself for what he did to you and to Cherry."

Fye didn't know what to say. If she was honest, she really longed for a friend. But that dependency... that was something she needed to work on. She was all alone in this world, that was just how things were. 

"I need time," she said quietly. "I'm sorry Dana. I know you mean well."

She got up. Dana didn't follow her as she returned to the party. 

Actually she wanted to go home. She'd shown her face and her flight would leave early. Yet, it was Kip's warm smile which persuaded her to stay a little longer. 

"You wanna dance?" he asked. 

She hesitated. However, she couldn't think of a reason to turn him down. There was a slow song playing, on which the bride and groom were slow dancing. 

She knew people would talk if she started to dance with Kip in an intimate way now, but at the same time she didn't care. Putting away her empty glass, she wrapped her arms around his neck. 

For a long time they simply swayed to the music. She liked being held by him, even though he wasn't a really good dancer. "I'm going to miss you," she said softly. 

Kip looked up. "I'm gonna miss you too," he answered quietly. 

She let her head rest on his shoulder. But she had peace with it. This was just something she really needed to do. 

Hesitantly, Kip's hand stroked her back. "You gotta tell him Fye. If only for your own peace of mind."

"Yeah."

She knew. She'd decided to tell him a while back. 

She cocked her head to the side and saw that Juice was watching them. His smile was gone, his shoulders slumped down. As their eyes met, he quickly stared at the floor. 

She hated that defeated attitude. It reminded her of all the times she'd comforted him, and of all the pain she'd wanted to relieve. Deep inside, she still cared about him, even when she hated herself for it. 

"You better go now," Kip said, giving her a little push. 

Fye took a deep breath, let go of her dance partner and took a few steps toward Juice. What now? Should she ask him to dance? For some reason talking to him here was less frightening than being alone with him. 

She mustered up her courage. "You want to dance?"

Juice's head snapped up. Countless emotions flashed in his eyes. His lips parted, but not a single word slipped his lips. 

She held out her hand. For a moment he stared at it, then he grabbed it and stepped closer towards her. His hands rested upon her hips, hers were holding his shoulders. She kept more distance than she'd done with Kip. She looked at him, in those emotional brown eyes. 

Suddenly tears were filling them. Before she realized what was happening, he held her tightly, pressing his face against her shoulder. 

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry Fye. I can't stop thinking about it, I think about it every hour."

Fye felt a lump in her throat and blinked the tears away. If she had believed that his apologies would leave her indifferent, she'd been very wrong. Hesitating she caressed the back of his head, across his mohawk. 

"I love you," he whispered. "I really do. You've been so good to me and I'm so grateful for everything you've done. But I lost myself and I know there's nothing that will justify my actions. I just want you to know that I've never wanted to hurt you, but it's something I've been scared of since the moment we met."

She closed her eyes. He had warned her indeed, had told her about his violent side. She had never listened. 

He looked up to her, tears in his eyes. She rested her forehead against his, taking a deep breath. She knew he was thinking about the baby, and that his insecure future as a dad was tearing him apart. 

"I'm leaving, Juice," she said, before their emotions would convince her to make a different decision. "This whole MC life... I need distance from it, I need to distance myself to make peace with our broken relationship. At least until the baby is born I will stay with my sister. I'm not sure if I will ever return, time will tell what's best for me. And what's best for me, is also best for the baby." She gave him a sad smile. "I'm sorry Juice. The reason I didn't tell you about my pregnancy is because I doubted you'd have a good influence on the child. You didn't convince me you would, not even now you're getting better. During our relationship I've always focused on your needs, now it's time to think about my own needs and that of my child."

My child. The words made him flinch. 

But it was true. She was the one carrying it. It felt like her child, and not as something Juice and she had created. Maybe it was unfair, but he'd never been interested in the baby. He hadn't noticed the alcohol she'd declined the past months; her morning sickness had never alarmed him and he hadn't even noticed her growing baby bump. 

"I get it," he answered, although his eyes revealed how hurt he felt. "I believe you know best what's best for the baby. Even if you don't want the child to ever meet his father, I will accept your decision. After all I have assaulted you. You could have lost the baby because of me. But if you decide to break off all communication – then please let me know."

She nodded. She wouldn't string him along. 

"I wish you well, Juice." She kissed his cheek, then she let go of him. 

Before she could walk away, his fingers laced with hers and he stopped her from leaving. 

"If you ever need money, if there's anything I can do to help... Please let me know. And please tell... tell the child that I love him or her, despite everything that has happened. Don't give him a reason to believe that it's his or her fault that we never met."

She squeezed his hands, his tears causing a lump in her throat that was impossible to swallow. 

"I will." She swallowed. "Goodbye Juice. I hope that you will find your happiness with Dana."

Then, she tore away her hand. She caught Kip's concerned look and gave him an encouraging smile. 

It was well this way. 

All memories of Charming she would leave behind in California. 

Her hand stroked her stomach. Except for the memory that was in there.