Ghosts ✔

031 • Kozik

With wide eyes Kozik stared at Lotte's bruised and swollen face. 

"He did this to you?" he asked before she could even greet him. He however already knew the answer – he couldn't think of another reason as to why she would show up at his door at a Sunday morning. 

"He was drunk," she told him. Her lips were swollen and split twice, which had to make talking painful. "He cheated on me last night and when I said something about it, he beat me up. This morning he felt regret – but he doesn't want me around anymore."

"That's at least one wise decision he's still able to make," Kozik grumbled. Again he stared at her injuries. He thought back to the funny guy he had met years ago; who had tried to find his place among the others by awkward jokes. He had always been more innocent than the others, clumsier – younger. He never thought he would turn into someone who would assault his own girlfriend – or whatever she was in his eyes. 

"You have to stay away from him," he stressed. 

The distraught look in her eyes however told him she didn't even consider to stay away. "I can't give up on him, Kozik. I'm too afraid... that he will..." 

Kozik sighed. There was no need to complement that sentence. Juice didn't have much since he had lost Dana. He was distancing himself from his family, from the club... The others tried to be patient with him, but a year had passed now and there was no improvement. They couldn't count on him, he couldn't move past what had happened and the fact that he had tried to kill himself twice should be a reason in itself to vote him out. 

It however was a subject nobody talked about. Everyone was afraid that the kid would really end his life when he lost the club, and at the same time they felt guilty because none of them had been able to do anything for Dana.

Lotte had kept him from dying after an overdosis two times. He understood her fear, but he knew they couldn't continue things this way. 

"Is he sober now?"

"He just left the bed, but I wouldn't be surprised if he is on the bottle again."

"Stay here." He handed her the key of his house. "I'll make sure he isn't alone, but until he can think straight again, you stay away from him. You got that?"

The girl stared at the ground. "I love him," she whispered.

Laying a finger below her chin, he lifted her face so she would look at him. "The fact that you love someone, is no excuse to be beaten up him. He has lost his mind man, I don't care how fucked up he feels – Sons don't hit women."

 Anger forced its way through his veins as he took in Lotte's battered face one more time. In a flash he saw Dana's face, bleeding and bruised. He gritted his teeth. Couldn't Juice see in what he was changing? Maybe that knowledge would help him to accept help. 

With his thoughts still with Dana, he pulled the girl close and kissed her forehead, then he quickly walked past her while a nasty feeling spread through his stomach. For a brief moment it had felt like Dana was back. He took a few deep breaths to control his emotions before he mounted his bike. 

. . .

Kozik was surprised when the door was actually opened after he rang the bell. He didn't know how to interpret the look in Juice's eyes, it seemed like he was feeling guilt which he tried to sweep underneath the carpet of indifference. 

"Let me in," Kozik growled. 

Juice stepped back, saying nothing. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he strolled to the living room where he leaned against the dinner table. 

"Lotte was at my door."

The name of the girl turned out to be enough to make Juice bend his head. Quietly he stared at the floor. With a sigh Kozik looked at him. Sure, part of him felt sorry for the guy but his distress didn't justify his aggression. 

"You know of who she reminded me? Of Dana."

Wildly, Juice looked up. Something turbulent was churning in his eyes, like the name of his former lover had became a curse inside this house. "Don't speak of her."

"I do speak of her." Suddenly he could no longer hold back his anger. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Juice?! Beating up a girl like that!"

"I know man!" he snapped back. "I regret it."

Kozik rolled his eyes. "Well, it's great that you feel regret. What if you had killed her, you think your regret would have made it any better?"

Juice gritted his teeth. 

"You really don't see it, huh? Your coldness, your anger issues... you turn into the man you hate so much. Imagine Dana coming back now and seeing you like this. What will you be, her new Maddox?"

Instead of answering, the man stepped forward and pushed him against the wall. Kozik grabbed his wrists before he could lash out and brought his face close to his. "You'll become a monster like him if you don't change your behavior."

"I'm nothing like Maddox! I don't force Lotte to stay with me, hell all I want is her being safe and far away from me!"

"Banishing the people who care about you won't help you to get a hold of yourself again. You are the one who needs to change his way of living. Get help, Juice. Make an appointment with a therapist, go to rehab. Take this from an ex-addict: you can't do this alone and we can't help you either."

The man yanked back his arms and stepped back, huffing but without making an attempt to attack him again. "C'mon, you really think there's a therapist able to help me?!'

"Of course there is. Those people are trained to help you. Juice, I get that you're going through hell, but you're really not the only one who needs to deal with a trauma. If they benefit from help, you will too – or you should at least try. Unless you change, you will lose everything. Lotte. The club. Us. And yourself – you will turn into a monster, the same kind that did this to you, to Dana. Get yourself together man. That we barely make progress, doesn't mean that we have given up on her. Hap is on something. Just make sure that you're... you again when we need you. When Dana needs you."

Juice squeezed his eyes. His words were clearly worsening his hangover, but it was time someone spoke the truth to him. For far too long they had looked the other way, their hands bound while they all knew their brother was on a downward spiral.

Juice hoisted himself on the table and stared at the ground for a long time.

"Okay," he said in the end. "I'll try to get myself in rehab."

Kozik had enough experience with addicts to know that direct action was needed. "Go shower. I'll make you breakfast and after that I'll take you to a clinic where I've been at for a while too."

Juice looked skittishly at him. Various emotions flashed in his eyes, but eventually all he did was nod in silence before went to the bathroom.