Ghosts ✔

030 • Juice

With clouded eyes Juice stared at the girl on his waist. He couldn't even focus on her face – and he barely felt her either. Her moaning and the way her hips moved showed him that she did enjoy it, but he felt numb and considered it as a miracle that she had managed to get him hard at all. 

"You want on top baby?" she asked as she seemed to realize that she wasn't giving him the pleasure she should. With a grunt he rolled over, thrusting deep inside her. There was no affection; his lips didn't explore her neck, he didn't look into her eyes – it felt like routine, even though it was for the first time in over two years that he had sex with a girl that meant shit to him. He focused at the deed itself; at her walls closing around his dick, increasing the friction until he felt nothing but his orgasm for a few seconds.

Without saying anything, he rolled off her and started to clothe himself. It was 2 AM. His phone showed him three missed calls from Lotte, but he didn't call her back. Stumbling he left the room, needing the support of the wall to keep him from falling. His surroundings were spinning around him, but somehow he liked that sensation. 

The clubhouse was empty. Nobody stopped him when he mounted his bike a few moments later. He knew he was too drunk to ride, but why would he care? He had no problem crashing into a tree. Plus it was just a short ride – he would make it. 

. . .

When he came home, Lotte launched herself at him immediately, swinging her arms around his neck. "I was so worried!"

As she started to sob, he pushed her away annoyed, not in the mood for her drama.

"I've called you a dozen times! Why didn't you pick up?"

"I was busy."

"At midnight? With what?!"

"Fucking a whore."

"W-what?" Her voice sounded fragile. 

He shrugged his shoulders and stumbled towards his bedroom. When her light footsteps followed him, he clenched his fists. 

"Juice... you can't just walk away now! I thought that we – that we had something!" She started to cry again. "You told me you had feelings for me!"

Juice tripped over his feet and his knee crashed against the footboard of his bed. Grunting, he fell down on the mattress. "I'm not in the mood for your bullshit right now," he snapped, struggling on the bed to crawl higher.

"You never are! And it's not bullshit! You have been drunk non stop the past days. And now you are cheating on me too and you don't even care?!"

"I was already cheating on someone," he grunted. "With you."

"That's not the same! Dana and you are separated for more than a year, while we had just agreed to start a real relationship." She sat down next to him. "Is that the reason you cheated on me? Because you feel guilty about us? Were you trying to prove yourself that you have no feelings for me?"

Snapping his head to the side, he glared at her. "Go away with that whore face of yours! I was just dying for a good fuck. Stop acting like a fucking shrink. I don't give a shit about you. That's the reason I banged someone else."

"I don't believe that..."

Before he knew it, he had grabbed a handful of her hair, yanking her head backwards. "What is there not to believe? You think I love you?" Snorting disdainfully, he tore at her hair. "You think I would do this if I'd loved you?"

Her sobs were the only answer he received. 

"Your tears don't bother me. Now get the hell outta here." He pushed her backwards until she fell off the bed, her head hitting the wall. 

He let out a hollow laugh. 

"I know it's the alcohol talking right now," she answered stubbornly, getting on her feet again. "And that you will regret this tomorrow. You need help, Juice. You can't go on like-"

"God you really don't know when to shut up, huh?" he yelled. "Just leave me alone man! Go fuck someone else!" Wobbly, he had left his bed, grabbing Lotte's throat. "Go away. I don't want you anymore. I'm able to fuck others again so I no longer need you."

With tears in her wide eyes she stared at him.

For a moment he saw someone else's eyes – Dana's. 

She had to go – she was only making things worse. 

"If you don't leave now, I'm gonna beat the hell outta you," he said in a dangerously low voice.

"You need me, Juice. You know you need me." She laid a shaky hand against his cheek. "I love you. I'm not going to leave you."

I love you. I'm not going to leave you. How many times had he spoken those words to Dana? 

It were those words that drove him mad, forcing him to grab her shoulder and to lash out at her face until she was lying on the ground like the pathetic mess she was. Without remorse he stepped over her and flopped down on the bed. 

. . .

Carefully Juice moved his swollen fingers. His head was pounding and he had an upset stomach. Smelling puke, he raised himself. There was a pool of vomit next to his bed, and closer behind it were other dark stains – blood. 

"Oh fuck," he grunted as images of last night plagued him. "Oh shit!"

His head was about to explode when he jumped out of the bed and ran towards the living room. The sharps stabs made it hard to think and frantically he looked around, trying to orientate. 

She was lying on the couch. Her face was beaten to a pulp; there was not a single piece of skin on her face that wasn't bruised. Crouching down next to her, he took her hand into his, tears filling his eyes. 

I'm a monster.

From between her swollen eyelids she looked at him. With difficulty she raised her hand and stroked his cheek, but her touch called up so much guilt that he felt sick. He turned away and threw up. Wiping his lips with his arm, he sat down on the ground, pulling up his knees and bending his head. Softly he started to cry. 

"You should go, Lotte," he muttered. "Please, just go. I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know what I'm doing."

As she sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around him, he squeezed his eyes. "I can't leave you. It's true; I love you."

Juice breathed in sharply. He didn't deserve her love. "Have you looked into the mirror? What if I break something next time? What if – what if I kill you?"

"You won't. I know you care about me. You know that too – even when you're drunk."

Juice had his doubts. Tonight he had felt nothing but a deep hatred. Most of the day he felt only hatred – towards everyone, towards everything.

"I don't want this anymore Lotte. I don't want to wake up every morning like this. This wasn't the first time and I won't be the last time if you stay here." He looked up to her. Seeing the bruises again, squeezed his throat. How could he have done such a thing? Why had he done it? There was nothing but chaos in his head. "If you really love me, like you say you do, you'll leave. You know it's better for the both of us."

"I can't leave," she whispered. "I can't leave, Juice." Her voice sounded desperate. "I just can't."

Juice stood up, grimness was now obscuring his self-reproach. "This is my home. You have no choice. I don't want you around any longer, end of story."

He turned around and headed for his bedroom. After slamming the door, he sat down on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor. This time there were no tears. Now he just felt empty, deprived of every emotion.

. . . 

Hey all! Since the amount of votes has halved last chapter; are you still enjoying this story? Or should I write towards the end? Is there anything in particular you'd like to see? (Besides Dana and Juice's reunion of course ;p) You can always PM if you have an idea. (: