Ghosts ✔

114 • Juice

His fingers glided across the smooth, cold steel. It was as inviting as it was hideous. The Glock was resting in his lap – for a couple of hours now. 

He wasn't in a hurry. 

Nobody would find him here. Ever. 

Within two hours the sun would set, maybe that was what he was waiting for. To see a last bit of beauty, before he would close his eyes forever. A piece of beauty he wasn't able to destroy, that would still be there after his last heartbeat died away. 

Would they suspect anything? Someone had probably called the clubhouse because nobody had picked up Mikey from school. With a tight feeling in his chest he thought about the boy, who had already gone through so much. But this was what was best for him. He could better stay in a foster home than with his twisted uncle. 

It was best for everyone if he was no longer there. 

For his unborn child. 

For Fye. 

For Dana. 

He would no longer be able to hurt them – that is, if they would ever want to see him again. It would probably offer them peace, they would acknowledge the justice in his death. This was no act of desperation, like it had been in the past. 

It was an act of determination. 

He was a monster – and the monster had to die. Something he didn't want to burden anyone else with – so that's why he would kill it himself. Here, next to the first memory of the darkness that was hiding inside him. She had awakened the beast, with the lies she had whispered in his ear. In the end, the monster had strangled her, had scattered her remains across this place... And it was here where he wanted to let go of his own life. 

Where it was peaceful, where there was an intense sadness underneath the surface – but where also fond memories were lingering. Memories of his brothers, who had all been here for him when he scattered Lotte's ashes and raised the angel statue. And with Dana... He had been here with Dana too. They had hold hands here, they had sat in the grass. He had cried, pressing his face in her golden locks while holding her tight. He had even considered to tell her about Cherry. 

"I could never hate you, Juice."

She'd said those words to him, but he had never believed her. He knew she hated him now, he could feel it. A part of his heart had always been connected to hers. There had been a glimmer of warmth – a glimmer that was gone now. 

She was done with him. 

He took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the greenery and listening to the songs of the birds. Would he miss this? Would he be able to miss things? Was there a second life, a place where his daughter was waiting for him? 

He doubted it. Even if there was a heaven and a hell, he would go to the latter. People like Maddox would be his company. Whatever was waiting for him; he would be separated from Tabitha for the rest of his... existence. But maybe it was for the best; she better never discovered what a waste of space her father was. 

He picked up the gun, closed his fingers around it. His temple, inside his mouth... He wasn't sure yet. But he still had time – he wanted to see the sunset one more time. When the world turned dark, he would stay in that darkness. 

His phone was vibrating in his pocket. Reflexively he took it out and glanced at the screen. His eyes widened when he saw the caller. It wasn't one of his brothers, it was Dana. 

Should he take the call? Hear her voice one last time? Would he get the chance to say goodbye to her? She probably just wanted to berate him; he knew Fye had gone to her. She deserved it, the chance to vent, to tell him she was done with him, that she never wanted to see him again. It might give her some peace... and maybe he would find peace too, knowing this was what was best for them.