Ghosts ✔

037 • Juice

Overwhelmed, Juice stared at the toddler who had gotten off the couch. With one hand he was holding a worn-out stuffed dinosaur, with the other he rubbed his eyes, looking drowsy. 

"Uncle Juan?" he asked quietly. 

A shiver crept down his spine as she heard the fragile voice. The sound barely drowned out the episode of Spongebob that was on the tv. Lotte laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. He shook off the bewilderment and took a few steps forward. 

"Yeah uhmm... that's me."

What was he supposed to do? Lift him up and put him on his hip? Give him a kiss? There had always been kids growing up around the club, but never before he had met a child that shared his blood. Not a living one, at least. 

This is Tabitha's cousin, he realized. Taking a deep breath, he tried to blink away the tears and placed a hand on the head of the boy.

"Hey Mikey." He hesitated for a moment before he scooped him on his side. Before he had gone to the apartment of the croweater who had looked after the kid, he had looked into his nephew to make sure dropping off a random kid wasn't some sick idea of Maddox. 

But it was true. His sister had indeed a four year old son and she was sentenced to five years in jail because she had shot her ex boyfriend. There was no proof for self defense, but the father had already lost custody by being an alcoholic. 

That knowledge caused a bitter taste in his mouth. He himself was just released from rehab for the same reason. A year ago he would have judged people like that without thinking, but after what he had done to Lotte himself, things were different.

Juice felt moved when the boy pressed his face shyly against his shoulder. 

"This is Lotte," he told Mikey when she stroked his dark hair. "You can call her auntie."

"You mother didn't leave a lot of stuff," the croweater sighed, handing Lotte the bag. "He's very quiet. I'm glad that you're back, Juice."

Juice nodded in silence. All this was still hard to understand. Right when he finally got his life together again, he had to take care of a kid. A small kid – one that definitely needed care and attention. 

"We're going home, okay?" he spoke softly to Mikey, pressing a kiss to his temple. It was strange that he felt already so attached to a child of which he had just discovered that they were family. He carried the boy to the car and fastened his seat belt, then he sat down next to Lotte. 

"Why don't we go to my apartment? I have an extra room."

Juice nodded absentmindedly and heaved a sigh. Suddenly he felt exhausted. How was he supposed to do this? Care for his sister's son for five years? His whole life had turned upside down in the blink of an eye – again. He might feel better, but he knew there was still a lot of shit he had to deal with and he was nowhere near the man he used to be. He however didn't dare to share his insecurities, not as long as Mikey was on the backseat. More than anyone he knew what it felt like to feel unwanted as a child, and the last thing he wanted was giving his little nephew that feeling. That his own grandma had left him in a complete strange town, was already traumatizing for the kid. 

. . .

A few hours later they had bought some toys for Mikey. Juice was sitting on the couch with Lotte while the boy was playing with Lego a few steps away from them. 

"You think you can do it? Look after him?" Lotte asked softly. She laid a hand on his thigh and gave him a worried look. 

"I don't know," he muttered. "It doesn't really land. You think – you think I can do it?"

She glanced briefly at him and nodded. "Yeah. Together we can."

Juice dropped his eyes. He had buried his own daughter a few weeks ago; the final proof of his destroyed future with Dana. Having to raise a child with Lotte now, was way too fast. But how to do it without her help, he didn't know. 

Sighing, he bent over and rubbed his face. 

Lotte leaned with her head against his shoulder. "We will be all right," she said softly. "Maybe this fits to a new start, don't you think?"

Juice shrugged his shoulders. His head felt crammed full, he could barely think. A jolt of pain went through his stomach as he realized that he was longing to the numbness the alcohol had given him and he squeezed his eyes. Please not again... 

More than ever he had to keep the alcohol away, now he knew that Mikey's father was a drunk. 

"If you're not ready for this, you have to be honest about it," Lotte said. "We can bring him back to your mother, or maybe there are family members willing to help on his father's side."

"No," he muttered. "When I was his age I've gotten so many beat downs... I don't want him to live under the same roof as my mother. My sister knows that; that's why she sent him to me. If there had been a better solution, she wouldn't have entrusted her child with the brother she hasn't seen in years – and who didn't even know about its existence."

"But there are also host families, people who..."

"No. I don't want him to move from family to family. I want him to feel loved. Wanted. Around his family." He looked to the side. "I have no idea how to give him a stable life the next five years, but I'll find a way. I can do this."

He stood up and knelt beside Mikey. Touched, he looked at the concentrated face of the little one, which was clearly sharing similarities with his sister. 

"You want me to help you?" he asked the boy. 

Mikey looked thoughtfully from the Lego to his uncle and back, then he nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! We can build a car!"

"Let's do that! A big, fast car!"

He felt Lotte's hands on his shoulders and she kissed the top of his head. "I'll make lunch for these hard workers."

Juice watched her as she walked to the kitchen. A stifling feeling arose inside him as he imagined it was Dana opening the fridge, and that it was his own daughter who was sitting next to him. 

A tear itched down his cheek as he promised himself that he would do everything in his power to make sure that his sister wouldn't lose what he had lost.