Ghosts ✔

054 • Juice

Juice was sitting halfway a small hill. Grass flowed down, until the shore of a small lake. They found themselves deep in the woods; there was a slight chance one would ever find this place. Still he had decided not to bury her; he didn't want wild animals to dig up her body. They had taken the body to the morgue. Skeeter had a habit of burning bodies they needed to get rid off, and just like the former times he had asked no questions. Juice had taken the ashes and scattered them across this peaceful place. In a garden centrum he had bought the statue of an angel, which he had placed a few feet away from the shore. A marker – even though only a few people knew its meaning. 

Sighing, he wiped his eyes. It still felt so surreal. He knew what he had done, but at the same time it felt like a dream, a nightmare. When he would roll up the garden path later today, he would think that she was cooking. When he would enter the house, he would wait for the embrace he would never get. 

"It's a nice final resting place." Jax sat a little behind him and squeezed his shoulder. 

They were all here – all his brothers, and their support was more noticeable than ever; perhaps because he allowed their comfort this time. An hour after they had dropped off Mikey, Juice had confessed what he had discovered the day before and that he had killed Lotte because of it. His tears had underlined his regret, but even without his remorse, his friends wouldn't have abandoned him. Most of them admitted that they would have done the same; and that they wouldn't have given her a goodbye at all. 

But Juice knew that Lotte had loved him. Maybe never as much as he believed, otherwise she would have told him the truth, but she had been a great help to him and he would never forget about that. 

Bending his head, he looked at the bouquet of purple colors in his lap. A last farewell. With a deep sigh he stood up and slowly descended the hill. In front of the sculpture of the praying angel – a child, as some silent promise that he would look for her sister – he lowered on a knee and laid down the flowers. 

A tear slipped down his cheek. 

In silence he bent his head. Please forgive me Lotte. I hope you have found your peace now. 

His lips started to quiver as imagines flashed by. Her soft lips touching his, her fingertips stroking his jaw. He squeezed his eyes even more, and for a moment her touch felt so real he forgot how to breathe. Then he saw her eyes, which were looking at him full of remorse, full of fear. 

"Don't forget what she did to you, Juice."

At first he thought to hear his own thoughts, then he felt the hand on his shoulder and recognized Kozik's voice. 

"It's all very tragic. But you're not a monster for killing her. Her betrayal led to the death of your little girl; never forget that."

Juice stood up. He didn't know what hurt more – the fact that she was gone forever or the way she had betrayed him. 

His friend squeezed his shoulder. "C'mon, lets go get your nephew."

They turned around and climbed the hill. Once he was on top, he looked over his shoulder once more. He didn't know if he would ever return, but knowing that there was a place that was connected to her, was a soothing thought. 

. . .

Fifteen minutes later Amy opened the door for them. Before today, Juice had never seen the chubby woman and he was actually curious to her relationship with Kozik. When she went to the kitchen to make tea, he decided to ask his friend. Distracting his thoughts from Lotte seemed to be a good idea anyway. 

"So eh... how did you met?" he asked when they were sitting on the couch. "I don't think I've seen her before and I doubt she's the sweetbutt type of girl."

Kozik lifted the corner of his mouth. "She's definitely not a sweetbutt. She's recovering from a hernia. When I saw her dropping her groceries and noticed the painful glance at her face, I carried the boxes to her home. She moved to Charming a couple of weeks ago and doesn't know a lot of people, so she has to do a great deal herself while she actually can't. So I help her a little now and then."

Juice's eyes flashed to the kitchen, where she was still busy. Despite her large size she had a cute face. "You sleep with her?" he whispered, a hint of a grin crossing his face. 

Kozik's glance wandered to Amy as well, as if he wondered if that was something he wanted. Then he shook his head. "Nah, we're just friends."

Amy returned to the room, putting down a tray on the table. 

"There's lemonade, guys!" Although her voice didn't sound very loud, he was sure the kids would hear it. Mikey got on his feet in a corner of the room where he had been playing with a train together with Amy's son, and the boys walked towards them. 

Mikey climbed on his lap after taking a biscuit and Juice laid a hand on his side. 

The boy looked over his shoulder. "Aunt Amy and Toby are very nice," he whispered. "Can I play here more often?"

Juice raked a hand through his hair, pressing a kiss to his head. "I'm sure you can."

When he aimed his eyes at the woman again, she showed him a shy smile. He smiled back; he was grateful that she had taken care of Mikey today without knowing him or the boy. At their return she had neither asked questions, and Juice had a feeling that she would be a great old lady. 

He'd be happy for his brother if they would get together. His own love life was the biggest mess one could think of, but hopefully his friend would do better.