Ghosts ✔

085 • Juice/Happy

Back in the day the thought that Happy wanted to speak to him in private would have made him nervous. This time, he didn't care at all. What was the worst thing that could happen? He could break a few bones. Well – he would survive. And even if he didn't, he didn't care that much. 

The reason he was walking outside now, wasn't because he was afraid of what Happy was going to do otherwise, but because he hoped to convince his brother that Dana and he couldn't be together anymore. 

"You hurt her," Happy snapped the moment they were alone. 

"Yeah." He lit a cigarette. "I have a girl, you know."

"As if you love her," Happy scoffed. 

His words touched a nerve. He did love Fye. Just not as much as he loved Dana, but she was like an obsession to him. Whatever he felt for Fye was much healthier and didn't call up his anxiety. "It's none of your business."

"Anyone who's hurtin' my lil sister is my fuckin' business," Happy answered in a dangerously low voice. 

Juice suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Well, he hadn't done much about Maddox either and they both knew it. "Dana's a big girl. She's been through shit that's much worse than me not wantin' to dance with her."

"What the hell is your problem man? You've been cryin' like a baby for years because you wanted her back, and now she's back you're pretendin' to be a fuckin' asshole? You mad at her for fakin' her dead? It's your own stupid fault you didn't figure it out sooner."

Juice froze, his nonchalance fading immediately. "W-what? You knew she was still alive?"

"Of course I did. Everyone with a workin' brain woulda figured that out. Why the hell would Maddox ever kill her?"

Juice felt sick. All this time Happy had known that she was alive? Should he have seen it too, had he missed a sign? "You – you weren't there. You didn't see her, didn't touch her. It – it looked so real."

"Well not that real it stopped Kozik from opening the casket a couple a days later."

The look in Happy's eyes was inscrutable, radiating nothing but contempt. As if he despised Juice for not giving Dana enough credit. And he was right. A wave of self-recriminated rolled over him, complemented with much more rage because Kozik had known that she was still alive. Without ever telling him!

"I'm going to fuckin' kill him," Juice grumbled. "All this time he was talkin' shit about lettin' her go while he knew she was still alive?! What sick motherfucker does that?!" He clenched his fists and wanted to rush past Happy, but the man grabbed his arm and spun him back. 

"I'm not done talkin'. This ain't about you and Kozik, it's about you and Dana."

"Dana and me are done," he answered agitated, trying to yank away his arm. Happy's hand however was clenched around his arm like a fucking vise. 

"Why? You should worship her on your fuckin' knees cause she wants a brat like you. Is it because of him? She feels used now? You feel too good for an abused girl now you're wearin' that fucking SAA patch?"

"What?! – No!" With wide eyes he looked at his brother. "God – no! I'm not good enough for her okay? I'm not the same guy  you knew before you went in Hap. I'm a fucking asshole, and I don't want her to be with an asshole again. She can't trade one sociopath for the next! I love her." Tears jumped into his eyes and he took a deep breathe. "I love her so fucking much and that's why I want her to end up with someone who deserves her! I beat up my ex, Hap, I fucking strangled her. I put a bullet in Cherry's head. Her best friend. She can never find out what happened to her friend and especially not the club's role, my role, in it!" He took a few deep breaths. "I want her to find someone who can make her happy, for I can't! I'm fucked up. But I can't just tell her this, she will never accept it, she will believe she can heal me and I'm just too afraid to hurt her. I don't want anyone to hurt her ever again – and I don't trust myself around her. Not after everything that has happened, after all the horrible things I've done. And yeah, I know I'm hurtin' her now too. And it's fuckin' hard okay?! But this is the only way... It's the only way to convince her to move on. Once she sees the asshole I've become, she will stop lovin' me."

Juice dropped all his masks and looked at Happy with pleading eyes. He had to understand, he had to tell him that what he was doing was making sense – otherwise he wouldn't know what to do with himself anymore. 

"You think – you think it won't work?" He took a deep breathe. "I just want her to be happy. Not with someone who's keepin' a horrible secret from her, who killed her best friend. I – I can't make her happy. Not anymore. I lost myself." Swallowing, he squared his shoulders. He didn't want to cry again, he wanted to support his decision. "And I don't think I'll ever become the way I was. I'll never be the man she loves."

. . .

Happy saw the conflict in the eyes of his young brother. The fact that he was so obsessed about Dana's happiness, despite his own happiness that he was sacrificing, didn't leave him completely cold. But whether it would work? Fuck – how the hell would he know? The last time he had a girlfriend himself was more than twenty years ago. He had experience with a lot of things, but he knew shit about relationships. 

If Juice was so convinced he couldn't make Dana happy, then who the hell was he to push for it? He wanted Dana to be happy too. He didn't give a shit with whom she'd end up. And if he was honest, he had to admit that Juice had a point. He would never trust Juice with a secret, the guy was way too unstable. Once he was with Dana, he wouldn't been able to hide from her what had happened to Cherry and he couldn't imagine Dana would deal with that in a way he liked. She had already lost so many people... knowing that the club had killed her friend would destroy her. There was a big chance she didn't want to have anything  to do with the club anymore, not even with him. And he wanted to keep her close. Maddox might be dead, but Dana clearly had a thing for guys on the wrong side of the law. Who knows with who she would end up in bed next time...

"Fine," he said eventually. "Then be an ass, if you really think that helps her." He grabbed Juice's collar and pulled him close. With an intense look in his eyes he stared down at the kid. "But you keep it to bitchy remarks. If you break her, I'ma break your fuckin' neck."

Juice didn't look away, there was even a mocking glance glimmering in his eyes. "As if you would really kill me," he snorted. "You would destroy her completely."

Well – apparently Juice had finally grown some balls. Any other time he might have been proud, but all he could think now was that he had to shut his fucking mouth. He pulled the guy closer, punching him in the face.  "Then I rip off your balls and stuff them in your big mouth," he grumbled. 

Juice recovered from the hit and stared at him with a venomous look in his eyes. Something dark was stirring in his eyes, and suddenly Happy understood why he wanted to keep his distance from Dana. 

"Fair enough," Juice said to his surprise. Spitting out a glob of blood, he clenched his fists. 

"Yeah? Fair enough?" He motioned at his clenched hands. 

"These ain't for you," he grumbled. "But for that motherfucker who kept me weeping over an empty grave for two fuckin' years."

Wildly, he spun around and rushed towards the clubhouse. 

Happy lifted the corner of his mouth. Well, this can be fun.