Ghosts ✔

089 • Dana

Dana stared at Kip. "You really have a memory?"

He was beaming as he nodded and she threw herself upon him. It was amazing that he hadn't lost all of his memories and the fact that she was the one triggering his memory gave her a very special feeling. 

"What kind of memory is it?" She pulled away from him so she could look at him. 

His cheeks flushed. "Umm... parts of your body you haven't shown me today. It were... flashes." 

His red cheeks made her chuckle. He was such a cutie. "The first memory you recall is one of my naked body? Well, I must have impressed you."

A little awkwardly he shrugged his shoulders. How would it feel, kissing a girl and knowing you've gone further with her without being able to remember it? 

Hoping he would relax a little, her hand glided teasingly across his chest and she gave him a feathery light kiss. "I can show you a bit more?" She played with the hem of her shirt. "Maybe more memories will come back." She moved her eyebrows up and down. "At least these ones aren't unpleasant?"

Skittishly he looked at her; just like during their first time he seemed to doubt he could do that to Juice. Kissing was one thing, but more... Yeah, she understood his doubts. 

But at the same time she longed for his warmth, for his hands all over her body. Juice and she had only made out a little bit that night she returned and even though she had not hated Ruben the past months, being with him had been very different than being with Kip or Juice. 

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked softly. 

"Why wouldn't I? I have feelings for you, you have feelings for me and even if there hadn't feelings in play we've both slept with people we had no feelings for."

"But Juice..."

She sighed. Actually she didn't want to think about Juice for just one minute, especially because she knew he would be deep inside Fye by now, trying to get rid of his frustrations. She just hoped the girl was strong enough to tell him when he crossed a line. She clearly wanted to help Juice, but it asked for a certain degree of fortitude and she hoped Fye would be resilient enough. 

"Juice doesn't have to know," she said quietly. She bent her head in shame as her cheeks flushed. She was so selfish. She didn't want to burden Kip with feelings of guilt, but it had felt like a little step further than what they had already been doing. "Sorry," she muttered. "I - I just want you so bad."

His blue eyes locked with hers and as neither of them looked away, she could hear his breathing speed up. 

"I want you too," he said, suddenly a little hoarse. His hand stroked her waving hair, his fingertips tickling her neck. "You're so damn beautiful Dana. And so... so sweet."

Completely unexpected her bottom lip started to quiver. After everything Juice had snarled at her tonight, Kip's words felt like a balm on her wounds. He took her hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. 

"Stay with me tonight, at my place," he said. "With our son."

. . .

Dana shivered as his fingers slipped underneath her shirt before he pulled it over her head. The moment she had access to his lips again, she kissed him fiercely while her hand clutched around his neck. His stubble scraped against the skin of her neck as he left her lips; on her back his fingers were moving upwards to remove the clasp of her bra, making her sigh in relief as the garment slid down. His hands caught the weight of her breasts and she bit her lip as she felt his rough hands stroking her sensitive skin. A wild longing flared up inside her and she pressed her nails into his back as his lips closed around her nipple and started to suck. Dana closed her eyes and moaned quietly. 

When it became too sensitive she wanted to press a kiss to the top of his head as she always did when the sweet pain was becoming too much but instead of a smooth scalp her lips met soft hair. 

A pang went through her chest when she thought about Juice, and the guilt tore her apart because she was thinking about someone else than her current lover. 

"Hey, you okay?"

Kip looked up to her. Only now, she realized there were tears in her eyes. 

"Sorry," she said softly, wiping her eyes. "I thought I was ready."

"Hey, it's okay." Kip kissed her lips, the back of his fingers stroking her cheek. "Is it because of Juice?"

She bent her head. "I really love you, Kip. You have to believe that. But Juice... I always thought we would grow old together. That we would marry and start a family." Tears filled her eyes again. "And when I had finally killed Maddox, I thought I would finally be happy. But now - now it feels like my whole future is collapsing and... and seeing what he has become... it hurts so much. I think I'm really heartbroken."

The grief burnt in her throat, but she didn't want to lose herself in crying again and kept taking deep breaths. 

"Give it some time." Kip wrapped his arms around her and laid back on the bed. She snuggled up to him, the feel of his warm skin calming her down a bit. Could she be happy with Kip? She didn't know if she could ever be truly happy if Juice wasn't. Their souls were intertwined, even when Juice had tried to tore his away from hers. 

The love between Kip and her was just so different than the love between Juice and her. The first had been born out of comfort, as a way to let each other enjoy life in dark times. Their friendship had been so close that they had been able to give each other more than regular friends would do. Between Juice and her... that had been romantic, their feelings had been so heavy neither of them could ignore them, even when it endangered their lives. She thought back to the day Chibs had taken her to Juice's house; how nervous she had felt and how sweet he had been when she was having a panic attack, and how they had seen each other naked totally unplanned when he had shot himself in the ass. She thought about their date in the drive in cinema, where he refused to tell her his real name before she would kiss him. The memories made her limbs tingle. She could remember every look, every smile like it was yesterday. 

She remembered how they had made love on the beach underneath the starry sky, how they'd lost their clothes and how they'd talked about kids. Suddenly his drunk talk echoed in her head. 

 "I wanna make babies with you. Lots of 'em. I always wanted a big family."

She chuckled softly. "You're only sayin' that because you're drunk."

Juice looked surprisingly serious at her. "One day we'll go back to California and then we're going to marry and make babies and then you can never ever leave me."

Dana chuckled. "Goof. I will never leave you, with or without kids." 

Moving her hand to her mouth she bit her knuckles to keep the tears at bay. Would he remember that talk? That sweet guy who was always full of laughter, had he completely disappeared? Or had he fled to a corner of his dark mind, desperately waiting until she freed him from the chaos he was twisted up in? 

"I miss him," she whispered. "I miss him, Kip." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I miss him even more than when we were held captive."

Kip wrapped his arms tight around her. "I'm so sorry for you. For the both of you." He kissed her collarbone. "But I'm sure he'll come to his senses, Dane. It's just impossible not to love a woman like you."