Ghosts ✔

067 • Fye/Juice

Still her presence made his heart feel a little lighter, every time he went home. 

He visited the grave once a week. Actually he felt the need to go more often, but this frequency helped him to keep his thoughts straight. This was the only moment of the week he let his guard down. The only moment he allowed himself to cry, to miss her. Sometimes he talked to her for hours. 

The moment he left the cemetery, he put up his walls again. 

His deepest feelings were intertwined with this place, and away from here he could handle his pain. He believed he was doing well – the club thought he was doing well. Everyone but Kozik believed he was doing well. 

Juice wasn't sure why his friend disagreed. Maybe it was because Clay had stripped off his SAA patch when he wasn't able to kill Cherry, after which he had given it to Juice. 

He was the Sergeant At Arms. Who would have imagined? 

It wasn't hard to understand why Clay had done it. He wanted him to use his pain in a way the club benefited from it; and killing assholes was satisfying and had turned out to be a good outlet for his anger. Clay believed it had made him stronger. Kozik believed it had destroyed the person he once was. 

Juice agreed with his president. There had been nothing left to destroy anyway. 

The scent of flowers brought him back to the present when the girl sat down next to him. His breathing sped up a little when their elbows touched. Carefully, she laid down both bouquets before she looked up to him and showed him a shy smile. 

Juice wanted to smile back, but he couldn't. With a pit in his stomach he turned his head away. 

She was really beautiful and unbelievably sweet. 

It called up a deep longing inside him – something that hadn't been there since Lotte. 

He felt attracted to her, even though he had promised himself to never fall in love with a woman again. But he felt lonely. He however didn't know if someone could ever truly fill that void. 

Not after what had happened to Dana. After what Lotte had done to him and what he had done to her. 

"I'm Fye," she said after a while. 

He looked to the side. Felt awkward. Fuck – why did he feel so clumsy? It didn't fit who he was now, girls shouldn't make him feel insecure. He took what he wanted from them – that was all. 

"Juice," he answered. His voice lacked confidence. 

She had seen him at his weakest moment – she had only seen him when he was vulnerable. It made her different from the rest of the world. 

She fidgeted with a bracelet around her right wrist. It consisted of small silver roses. "Would you uh – would you like to go get a drink with me some day? So we can uh... so we can meet each other under different circumstances?"

Juice didn't answer immediately. Something warm slipped into his heart. It scared him – he didn't want to feel attached to a woman again, he didn't want to lose someone again. But the loneliness – it was making him tired. 

"Okay," he said quietly. 

He hated the tremor in his voice. 

He felt weak. He was still on a place where he allowed himself to be weak, but suddenly it bothered him. Although she had sit next to him before, it felt like she had disturbed the peace he was used to find here. Restlessly, he scratched his forearm, not knowing where to look or what to do. He wanted to back out, but he couldn't find the right words. 

"Great!" Her voice sounded melodic, light. Very different from the slight husky edge of Dana's voice. "Friday at Harvey's? At eight?"

Juice noticed that he was nodding. Quickly he stopped doing so, but she already showed him a sweet smile conforming their appointment. 

"See you Friday!" she said. Very briefly her hand touched his knee, then she stood up and walked away, as if she was afraid he would change his mind otherwise. 

Juice watched her leave, his eyes wide because he felt so overwhelmed. 

Had she really asked him out at the grave of his fiance? 

. . .

Hey all! 

I need a little bit of advice. Would you like to read about the developing relationship between Juice and Fye (it will take around 4-5 chapters, I think, with little time jumps) or would you like to see a time skip to the moment Dana's is trying to escape? I think it will be another time skip for a year in that case.

 At the one hand I'm afraid it will be too long-winded if I write it down, on the other hand I'm also afraid that it will feel rushed if I don't do it haha, so please tell me what you'd like to see!