Ghosts ✔

066 • Dana

A year after Dana's funeral

With wide eyes, Dana stared down. 

Ruben had gone down on a knee, an opened jewelry box in his hand. A large diamond sparkled in the light of the setting sun. 

Just like during her previous proposal, she hadn't seen it coming. In his eyes she read the same insecurity she had seen in Juice's eyes – and again she was speechless.

By now she knew her way around Ruben. It had been months since she had seen a glimpse of Maddox, but crazy stuff like this scared her again. An absolute 'yes' would make him suspicious and he wouldn't agree with a 'no'. She had no idea what kind of mind game he was playing this time. 

In the end Dana decided to be true to herself. Honesty had brought her the most, even when she sometimes told him things he didn't want to hear. As long as she kept calm and gentle, she could deal with him. 

"I just don't know what the point is, Ruben." She bent through her knees until she was on the same level as he and looked at him. "Dana is dead. She can't marry. And apart from that, we're stuck on an island together. For who are we celebrating?"

A muscle in his cheek tensed, creating a cramping feeling around her heart. Instead of shrinking back from him, she laid her hand across his and kept his glance. She wanted him to come up with a solution for this – she wanted him to finally take her away from this god forsaken island. As long as she was here, there was no way to escape. Even if she managed to get past the guards and take a boat, she had no idea where to go to. Floating around on open sea together with her little boy was an even worse nightmare than her life was now. 

"We would do it for us," he answered. "You would choose me."

"But what's the point of a wedding if nobody knows about it? What's there to choose? Why wearing rings that connect us when nobody can see them?" She sat down in the sand, searching for the right tone. Sometimes it was helpful to talk to him like he was a child, but at other times it made him furious and right now it felt like they were sailing uncharted waters. 

"Then what do you want?" he grunted. "You want me to invite your brother? Or maybe your ex?"

"Dana Lowman is dead," she repeated. "So no, that's not what I want." Heaving a sigh, she leaned back in the sand. "Do you want to stay here forever, Ruben? I still feel like a prisoner, even though I gave up everything for you. I died for you. Casper is small now, but I don't want to raise him on an island. I want him to go to school, to make friends. He needs those contacts; isolation isn't good for a child."

And neither for us, Dana thought, although she kept those words to herself. 

"Where would you want to go?" he asked after a while. 

She shrugged her shoulders. "Far away from my former life. Maybe Europe?" She wrapped her arms around her knees. "I know that it scares you, that you're afraid to lose me again. But you aren't the person who abducted me, Ruben. You know that. It's been a long time since you made me cry. But sometimes... sometimes I feel lonely. I miss having friends."

His eyes wandered to the jewelry box. "So if we would leave... if you would meet new people... you would want to marry me? I can get you a new identity..."

"And one for yourself," she said quietly. "I won't marry Maddox. I want to marry you, Ruben. I want you to leave your alter ego on this island."

He looked pensively at her, but his dark eyes didn't frighten her. Could she really convince him to leave this place? He had to see that a marriage with fake names didn't mean anything, right? But maybe he wouldn't. He was living this lie for three years now – and sometimes she did it too. Compared to the first two years her life wasn't so bad now; he treated her well. 

But still. 

Still Juice was always in her heart. More than anything, she wanted to go back to him; to him and Kip and Koz and Hap... Refusing to think about them was the least painful, but with every decision she made, her thoughts shot back to Charming. 

Leaving this island was a first step. Going back to the real world. Finding people she could trust. He was still suspicious, but Dana believed that suspicion would slumber when the days went by. Ruben had a very selective memory – one day he would be convinced that he never took her away from Juice and forced her to live with him. Only then she would start to look for a way to get rid of him. She couldn't afford another mistake, she wasn't going to lose another child. Then she rather stayed with him. 

She noticed that his glance had slid back to the ring. Her answer hadn't been clear enough and she held out her hand. "If you can promise me a new life with new friends with whom we can celebrate our wedding, I want to marry you Ruben."

He looked up to her, tears gathering in his eyes. It caused a lump in her throat. He was so sick in the head that she sometimes felt truly sorry for him. He really believed he loved her, that he could make her happy, that he was making her happy. 

The corners of his mouth were trembling as he bent his lips in a nervous smile. All this was so out of his comfort zone that he didn't really know what to think of himself. He wanted this too – more than anything he wanted a normal life, without the fear of losing her. 

His fingers were shaking when he shoved the ring around her finger. She rewarded him with a smile, where after he raised his hand and cupped her jaw. 

Tenderly, he kissed her lips. "I'm going to make you happy, Dana."

Yes, you will. She spread her fingers across his hand and kissed him back. The moment you breathe your last breath.