high hopes | brendon urie

87: i think im gay

"you're sitting next to kylie jenner at the VMAs" sarah laughed.
"thats gonna be so awkward!" brendon was laughing too. millions of thoughts were running through my head while we ate dinner.
"remember that live stream? the one where you told people to never call you a kardashian!" sarah said.
"oh shit" brendon laughed harder.
"imagine she sees it!" she added.
"i think im gay" i said suddenly.

my parents paused and looked at me.
"we know you are" sarah spoke.
"no. gay" i said, running my hands through my hair stressfully.
"explain" brendon put his fork down.
"gay as in 'hey i like my own gender only meaning im a lesbian' not 'hey i like two or more genders one of them being my own so i'd like to call myself gay as an umbrella term" i explained.
"still lost" he rubbed his temped.
"she thinks shes a lesbian" sarah told him. "yes" i replied.

"and you know we will always love and support you" brendon said.
"i do but...will people hate me? for like...changing my label" i was panicking a little inside.
"people change their labels all the time. wasn't katie bisexual at first? now shes pansexual. plus its no ones business but yours" sarah pointed out.
"but remember what happened when i said i was bi. i got so much hate"
"you said 'i think im gay'. that means you're not sure. so take it slow"
"thanks for listening" i sighed and pushed my plate away. brendon got up and hugged me. "sure"

i called riley up later on.
"im having an identity crisis" i said.
"what about you experiment with guys for a bit? you've dated girls only. things didn't work out with stiles. maybe you haven't found the right one yet"
"maybe" i laid on my bed.
"i want a girlfriend" i said. "oh fuck"
"you want me to come over?"
"please" she was at my door ten minuets later and let me cry on her in my room.
"you'll find yourself. i promise" she said, holding me close.