high hopes | brendon urie

11: riley finds out

"alexa! open the fucking door!"

"oh. rileys here" brendon said. i got up and went to answer.
"hi" she smiled when i opened the door.
"hey" i let her in and closed the door behind her. "hi mom. hi dad" she said to my parents. it was a joke - riley had wished she had my parents once so i said we'd share.

"hi" they both smiled at her.
"you eaten?" i asked her.
"nah. didn't wanna infect my mom with the gay" she replied. her parents were fine with her being gay - but her mom was always weird though.
"here. these are really gay" i joked, passing her my waffles.
"will i get a girlfriend if i eat them?" she asks fondly.
"girls will drool on you"
"you guys are so weird" brendon sighed.

after eating we headed to my room to do some homework. i helped her with english and she helped me with math as we sang along to halsey who we loved so much.

"hey whats this?" she gestured to the bandage on my wrist.
"oh i hurt myself a week ago. im good now thankfully" i said. i genuinely was thankful - i was a week clean and my parents were proud of me - thats why i got an extra waffle today.

"what happened?" she asks.
"don't worry about it" i replied.
"im just asking" she pestered me.
"yeah and i appreciate that you care"
"but why won't you tell me?"
"its kinda...personal"
"are you fucking cutting?"

i froze. "uhh"
"i cant fucking believe you!" she exclaimed.
"it was a week ago!" i told her.
"how long have you been doing it?"
"a-a year or two? b-but brendons been helping me stop!" it wasn't a lie!
"and you never thought to tell me!?"
"i didn't think it was a big deal!"
"it is! i told you about my mom and you didnt tell me about this? i thought we were friends!"
"we are!"
"bullshit"

this bitch is overreacting.

"hey; im a week clean. im healing! i don't see the problem!"
"thats not the point! you were ready to take your life. and leave me! you didn't even think about me! did you!?"
tears were streaming down my cheeks.
"did you!?"

brendons came in. "i think you should leave" he said to riley.
"thanks for having me" she gave me a dark look and left the room.
"wait!" i followed her down the stairs. "i cant explain! b-but i will one day!" i cried as we stood at the front door.
"one day!? thanks babe but thats not good enough for me!"
"i just cant right now! im sorry!"
"just dont fucking talk to me!" she slammed the front door leaving me there, crying my eyes out.

brendon tugged at my hand. "lets go upstairs" he said quietly.
"but-" he cut me off.
"come on" he said gently. he led me to my room and turned the music down.

but i started to sob again.
"none of this is your fault" he said, hugging me.
"it is! i should have told her" i whispered. "what!? no! alexa you dont owe her shit! just because she told you about her mom doesnt mean you need to tell her about yourself. okay? she was being a little bitch."

"honestly you're right. i deserve better" i shrugged.  
"yeah you do!" he wiped my tears and hugged me again.
"i mean...i get why shes upset" i added.
"yeah?" my dad didn't let go of me.
"i was going to leave without saying goodbye"