high hopes | brendon urie

70: rileys return

time flies and im officially over riley. it took me 5 months after my attempt but i've done it. and i was proud of myself.
i had a box full of our memories. sometimes i'd look through it. and i'd think "those were some good times!". and i wouldn't burst into tears or do blame myself

i wasn't completely happy but our breakup didn't effect me anymore. i'd told brendon i didn't want to go to public school anymore sp i spent my last year of school at home doing it online which was better for me. but it was okay.

i still saw my friends everyday.
i was still doing school work.
and i was going to college soon.

my depression would collapse me down on most days. but i had my friends & family there to pull me back up.
"alexa! you gotta get up" sarah came into my room and saw me in my pjs, scrolling through twitter.
"how long have you been awake?" she asked. "since 8" i replied.
"its 12 in the afternoon!" she exclaimed.
"okay okay" i put my phone on the bedside table and got out of bed.
"take a shower and get dressed. we're going out for lunch later on"

i had a shower and got ready into a red hoodie and blue jeans before brushing my hair and starting on my make up. wearing make up wakes me up a bit more so it was a daily thing - no lie.i put on some primer, concealer, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, highlight and lip gloss. i then put on some setting spray and put some bracelets on. i searched in my draws for my bio oil but couldn't find it.

"brendon! have you got my oil?" i called.
"right here" he came into my room with the bottle.
"oh thanks" i reached to get it but he didn't let me.
"uh uh uh. im doing it"

i put it on my scars everyday so they'd heal. and it was working so far. i gave in and let brendon smooth it on my arms, as he hummed. "soo...whats new?" i asked.
"you look happy" he joked. i scoffed playfully. "and done" he put it in my draw and went to wash his hands.
we went downstairs and i had a small breakfast. sarah was touching up her make up upstairs and brendon was pouring himself coffee. then the doorbell rang.
"don't!" i yelled as brendon went to answer it. he jumped and looked at me. "i want to" i gave him a little hug then went to open the door. "you're a weirdo" he chuckled.
"thanks"

i opened the door and felt sick.
it was riley. i haven't seen her in five months.
this felt weird. she looked the same. her ginger hair was down and she was wearing bright colours as usual. her pride tattoo shon on her wrist.

"hey" she said quietly.
"hi" i said, confidently.
"can i come in?" she asked.
"im going out in a little while"
"could i tag along with you?"
"its with my parents. family thing"
she used to be family. on most family outings brendon or sarah would suggest she joined too. it was fun. but after she broke it off...yeah.

"oh" she seemed a bit sad. why should i care though?
"well see you later then" i was about to close the door.
"wait!" she exclaimed.
"yes?" i asked, opening it again.
"can we talk real quick?" she asked.
i looked at brendon. "how long we got?" i asked.
"i'll give you five minuets" he replied, as he typed away on his phone.
i stepped outside and closed the door. "whats up?" i asked.
"these past few months. since i last saw you. i-i've been thinking" she started. "i really miss you. i broke your heart. and it was stupid. i still loved you"
"that is bullshit" i rolled my eyes. "make your mind up! you said you were unhappy so you cheated"

"i know! but i didn't mean any of it. whenever i laid in bed with rosie...i-it wasn't the same as it was with you. i wasn't in love with her the way i loved you" she sighed. "the point is...i really want to give us another shot"

wait.
is riley asking me out?

alexa think about it. imagine being with her again. the awesome dates, the beautiful kisses, the comforting hugs, the passionate sex, the laughter, the happiness...it could all happen again.

what if it didn't work out? would i slip into deeper depression? would she say those words to me again? brendon and sarah would be heartbroken to see me hurting. she broke my heart once. would she do it again? how could i be so sure that this was all sincere?

i took a deep breathe.
"what we had was beautiful. i enjoyed all two years of it, don't get me wrong" rileys eyes lit up. "but i don't want to go back there" i finished.
"but think about it! we were so happy! a-and we still can be" she gabbled.
"which ended in heartbreak. its taken me half a year to get over it. im still healing but everyday its getting easier and if i go back to that place i'd probably just be in my worst state"
"you wont-" i cut her off.
"what if i am?" riley had tears in her eyes. "im sorry. but i have to think of myself for once" i finished.

the door opened. brendon was there.
"we're leaving now" he said to me. sarah came downstairs and handed me my bag.
"i'll lock up" i said to her as she headed to the car. she and brendon acted like riley wasn't even there.
"okay alexa"

i locked the door and turned to riley. "i'll see you around" i walked down the path and got into brendons tesla. i closed the door, buckled up and he started driving. rileys eyes were on me.

"im proud of you" sarah said from the front. "me too" brendon spoke.