high hopes | brendon urie

75: tony talks to alexa

tw death

"alexa? tonys here" sarah knocked on my door. i opened my eyes. why was i on the floor?
"did i fall asleep on the floor?
sarah opened my door. "yeah. you did" she opened it wider and gestured for me to leave the room. "wash your face and get into something comfortable, you look exhausted . i'll send him up" she said. i nodded and went into the bathroom.

after taking off my make up and washing my face i got into a panic! at the disco sweater and leggings. i tied my hair half up half down and i exited my room to see my best friend. i sat down next to him and gave him a hug.

"brendon called me" he said.
"im sorry" i sighed.
"don't be. i know what you're like"
"this is so stupid. and hard"
"i know. but you'll get through it...alexa, you always refuse to go to therapy. and when you go in the end it helps"
"but how many times? ending it would make it so much easier"
"you're wrong in so many fucking ways"

it was quiet.
"what would brendon think if he saw you dead?" he suddenly asked.
"he'd get over it" i shrugged.
"you really think so?" he asked. i nodded.
he got his phone out. "i called you when you did your last attempt. you pushed your phone aside and accidentally answered my facetime call. i watched everything" he said.
"w-what?" tony saw me killing myself. "tony i-im so sorry you had to see that"
"alexa, its not a problem. im not effected at all - well i got upset. because i love you a lot and seeing you hurt yourself broke my heart. but mentally im fine because i knew you'd be safe. but your dad was crying his eyes out. your mom was freaking out and had no clue what to do. she was calling all these numbers not knowing what she could do...your dad was trying to stop the bleeding and was trying to wake you up. after you were wheeled off he was packing an overnight bag for you and was rambling about what a useless father he was and how it was all his fault for not doing better..."

"it wasn't his fault! it was rileys...that bitch!"
"but he thought he was to blame. look, i understand if you aren't ready yet but please consider it. i can even come with you if you're scared"
"please can you? i-i just...i dont like this"
"of course i'll come with. you came with me to all my gender therapies and im so grateful for that"
"dude of course. you're my best friend - why on earth wouldn't i be there for you?"
"im just a dumb dumb - like you" we giggled before we went downstairs to my parents who were watching a movie. they noticed us and paused the tv.

"i'll go. but...tony has to come with me everytime" i decided.
"consider it done" brendon replied.
"thank you...also can i have ten bucks for pizza...?"