"are you sure you wanna do this?" brendon asked me, holding me close.
oh. you need an update.
im three months into therapy. the first therapist i had was no good. so i went to a new one. they were the same. i then went to the hospital for 3 months and after i got out i went to a new therapist and i've been seeing him for three months.
i've improved a lot. tony, jake riley and dylan were always there for me. so were my parents. i wasn't on social media a lot and today was the start of sexual assault awareness month. and i decided to come out of my shell and talk about it. i had a platform so i might as well use it.
"im sure" i replied.
"if you need me at all call me. if you want to stop at any time they do so. this is a really big step"
"i know" was he not okay with it?
"remember. this is your story. you get to tell it. you choose who knows about it. its all you" he kissed my forehead and went to leave. "love you" he said.
"love you too" i replied as he closed my door.
"this is weird. i never talk to a camera. but...i have to speak up. its been nine months. and i think its time.
its sexual assault awareness month. and...i am a victim of sexual assault. and don't worry. the last time it happened it was over nine months ago. and it wasn't my parents or anything.
the first time was my biological parents where i was five. they would touch me inappropriately and do things which i wont say as...i dont have to. they got bored of me and abused the fuck out of me. hence why im depressed as fuck. i was put up for adoption and bullied a lot because of my bruises. i did turn to self harm eventually which i haven't done in 7 months so...go me. i had an amazing friend called tony who im still friends with now. he's always been there for me...such an amazing guy. the two ladies who 'took care of us' would do gross shit to me as well. i didnt like anyone touching me at all. tony only as i trusted him. my mental health was terrible. my school was concerned about it so they made me visit a councillor then then the doctors. i was diagnosed with depression when i was 11.
i got adopted and i wasn't forced to do anything. my parents knew i didn't like physical contact but i was quick to trust them. i used to be a little scared to talk to them but i can say whatever now because i know they wont ever judge me. dylan was patient with me and so was jake. riley and me became best friends quick but when we stopped being friends it effected out contact. i told brendon about what had happened to me and he told sarah for me. i missed a bit of school but brendon explained i was going through some trauma. i know im...just going on and on about me but it adds up: anyone can be a sexual assaulter. a family member, a teacher, a friend...its not just limited to middle aged white politicians.
someone who claimed to be my friend attempted to sexually abuse me. they touched me and said things to me which really fukwd me up. i didn't leave my room for ages. eventually i let brendon in. then sarah. i soon was comfortable enough to walk around the house. now im able to go outside and feel safe now i've learnt self defence even thought i shouldn't have to: you simply just shouldn't assault someone. im a minor and i have the right to feel safe as a CHILD.
i decided i wanted to see a therapist. we tried two and they weren't helpful. so i asked if i could go to a hospital. for three months i was there. and it was good. i got out and sarah found me tremendous therapist. i've been going to them for three months now. and i've been doing well. im going back to school in a month. and im going to see my abuser everyday. only a few people know who he- they are. im not saying any names. but if he-i mean they touch me even the slightest i will flip my shit. theyre young and have a whole future ahead of them so...i dont wanna fuck it up. we're young. i-i didn't want to ruin his-THEY'RE life. but i hope they'll learn from their mistake and change.
just know. that you are not alone. talk to someone you trust. my second abusers got three months probation but have been charged with two counts of sexual assault recently i've heard. it obviously doesn't go away but you learn to deal with it.
if you guys have any questions or need advice then i leave you with a new email i've made which is linked below. but...yeah. uh...that...happened"
YOU ARE READING
high hopes | brendon urie
Fanfiction"if i killed myself tonight, the stars would still appear, the sun would still come out, the earth would still rotate, the seasons would still change, so why not brendon?" tw mental health, sexual assault, self harm, suicide attempts, homophobia
