The New God Series Shorts and One Shots.

Fear and Doubts.

Amber's point of view

I sighed as I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. I would have liked to stay in bed for at least a little longer since I'm not a morning person. I knew I had to get up though since I had to go to work. I made myself get up and I started to get ready. As I was getting dressed I couldn't help but notice that my clothes were starting to feel tight. I looked in the mirror for a moment and I knew that I would have to get some new clothes. I knew it would probably be best to get maternity clothes since I wasn't sure yet how much weight I would put on before my pregnancy is over.

I'm far enough along now that it's pointless to try and hide the fact that I'm pregnant since I'm really starting to show. Now basically anyone should be able to figure out that I'm pregnant and not just overweight. The only way I could possibly hide it now would be to wear extremely baggy clothes and I knew I wasn't going to do that since I can't stand wearing clothes that are too baggy. Despite the reason for my weight gain being pregnancy I kind of still wanted to hide it.

I quite often have to tell myself that I shouldn't be ashamed of my baby, but my old deep-seeded doubts about my appearance not being good enough always seemed to resurface. the strangest part of it all was that no one had ever bullied me because of my appearance or anything like that, they hadn't had to, for a long time now I'd been my own critic often thinking that I wasn't pretty enough. After I met Percy he often told me otherwise but I had a hard time believing him since I just couldn't seem to see what he apparently saw in me.

Now I quite often wished that he was still here with me since not only did I miss him and want him to be a part of our child's life but I could also really use his kind words and compliments right now to try and reassure me that my baby bump was nothing to be ashamed of. Along with my doubts about my appearance, I sometimes find myself wondering whether I really can be a good mother. The thought of being a single parent is kind of frightening since I know that raising a child isn't an easy task for two people, doing it alone will be even harder.

I knew I should try not to be so worried especially since stress isn't good for the baby, but I just couldn't seem to forget all my worries and doubts. Despite that, I was hopeful that everything would turn out okay, hopefully, I would be able to support myself and my baby, and raise it well, I also hoped that someday Percy would come back so we could be together again. for now, I will just have to wait and see what's going to happen.

Lately, my worries haven't been my only problem though since the various symptoms that come with being pregnant haven't exactly been a picnic either. at least now some of them seem to be going away, and things are a little easier. In another month I should be able to find out the gender of my baby and I plan on doing that although I will be happy no matter what the gender is. Once I learn the gender it will be easier to choose a name for it.

Despite all my worries I wasn't going to change my mind about keeping my baby. Even though I was worried about whether I could be a good parent I knew I still wanted to keep my baby. despite my worries I sometimes still found myself wondering what my baby would look like? would it be a boy who looks more like Percy? or a girl who looks like me? or maybe it would get features from both of us? I obviously couldn't know yet how it would look, or act as it got older but I still couldn't help but wonder about it.

I shoved my thoughts aside as I continued to get ready for work. I guess I would have to go shopping soon but I wasn't going to do it that day. I knew I would have to start buying stuff for the baby soon too, although I might wait to buy most of that until after I know the gender since that would probably make it easier to choose some things.

I had already told everyone who I wanted to know that I was pregnant so I did have some support from my friends, but they have lives of their own to deal with so they could only do so much to help me. There's also the fact that I don't really get along with my mother and she lives in an entirely different state so I wouldn't be getting much support from her either. but then again I wasn't even sure I wanted her help.

I knew that I would eventually let her meet my child after it's born since she had the right to know her only grandchild but I also wasn't exactly keen on seeing her again either. I tried not to think about that too much though and just kept getting ready for work. I knew I would be going on maternity leave eventually but since I'm still able to work right now I hadn't stopped yet. I knew that I should stop worrying so much about my appearance and whether I could really be a good mother, but I can't help it.

I also can't help but still miss Percy, after all, I loved him, he was the first guy I'd ever fallen in love with, he was the man of my dreams, and of course, he's also the father of my child. I knew he'd left to protect me but I still wished he'd come back. He hadn't though and now all I had left of him was the memories of our time together, the gifts he'd given me, and of course our baby. If nothing else raising our baby might help to keep my mind off him but I doubted it since the baby might end up looking like him. and even if it didn't our child would probably still remind me of the kind, handsome and loyal man who I just couldn't move on from.