Magi Games

Task 5: Scores and Feedback

Hey guys! Sorry I'm a few days late getting these back. I had a stressful vacation with an absentee dad who left my sister and I stranded 100 miles from home. So this week I've been relaxing after that. My editor also finished the first round of edits on my novel, Hunter, so I had to go through it in depth twice this week, which took away from my reading time for your guys' entries, but I finally got them back - yay! (this also means that I was a little harsher in scoring by accident; I scored everyone's entries right after I had been through my novel for professional publishing, haha. Oops). 

wordsmith-

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 12

Love the way you incorporated the poem in your entry. From the very beginning, I'm getting all sorts of Aconi feels. Oh man. Especially as he worked to cut the cards out. It was a perfect blend of description of what he was doing and his emotions with not getting to see his family. I really felt for him and I loved how he just walked off. You characterized Thulok pretty well. Then Nylissa's hard work and your extremely detailed descriptions of enchanting, that was super highly impressive! I literally don't want to stop reading. Also, I'm ashamed to say, I didn't see any mistakes, so wonderful job! Keep up the amazing work!

ariel_paiment1

-0.1 for repetitive sentences

1.9 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.1 point deduction

SCORE: 11.8

I loved how the overall focus of your entry was the bigger threat and yet your guild was kept infuriatingly in the dark about it. Duana and Alastair did a good job. Your descriptions of the enchantments were extremely detailed. It's not surprising that you couldn't make it simple, haha. I loved Alastair's line about how the information was teasing him with knowing and not fully understanding - you actually showed that so much that I had no idea what the Gamemakers were talking about either, haha, which is highly impressive. You did have one instance where your sentences started with the same thing, making it a little repetitive, but you did an awesome job. Keep up the great work!

JesterheadJohnSnow

-0.1 for punctuation

-0.1 for repetitive sentences

1.8 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.2 point deduction

SCORE: 11.6

I loved reading your entry. It was quite entertaining and included so many different things going on. The ending twist that he was actually good and working for his own guild master caught me by surprise but I am happy he didn't betray them. What a cliff hanger, and it leaves me needing more. You did have one punctuation error and one repetitive sentence, but other than that, fantastic job.

Several7s

-0.2 for sentence structure

-0.1 for grammar

1.7 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.3 point deduction

SCORE: 11.4

What an intense intro. Zadaan can't die, oh gosh and Aelia... I'm pretty sure she's from Magi, right? WOW. Twist. Man, I can't stop reading. This is so intense. Shiazmu. Poor Mora, but i love his brutal honesty! The POV's were unique and I enjoyed Mora building a spyglass - interesting for the builds and enchantments. Luin - OMG he's awesome! I really enjoyed reading your entry. You did have a few sentences that were oddly worded, so those took away from your sentence structure. Some of your vocabulary usagage could have been more mature, which would have increased your wriitng maturity scale, but other than that, the storyline here was so intense. I'm reading a book and I need to read more of it. Amazing job!

Sara_R_Stark

-0.3 for punctuation

-0.1 for spelling

1.5 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.5 point deduction

SCORE: 11.1

It was short but that gave you extra time to focus on the task itself. You were extremely detailed; everything was vividly descriptive and easy and smooth to read and understand. I loved you showing Michael's process with making the bow, struggling with the enchantment and then working through on how to enchant it. I also love that he stole the scroll from Kyren - nice touch. It was enjoyable to read. You did have a few punctuation errors, but nothing too major. Great job!

MusicgirlXD

-3 for being late three times

-0.4 for punctuation

-0.4 for spelling

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.1 for grammar

1.4 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.6 point deduction

Because you have a perk from being mentored, I'm ignoring the highest points taken off the grading rubic which is handing in late, so now those are 0 points taken off from that.

SCORE:10.4

Creative with the ocean items and how Razor improvised with similiar land stuff! I love it! I enjoyed how you focused on the task itself. Your writing has greatly improved, with only a few punctuation, spelling, and grammar mistakes, so fantastic job improving! I knew you can do it! I'm so impressed with you right now! I love how Artemis showed up and I'm really curious about the green mist that showed up. I can't wait for more!

D-Willy45 and Katie387750 NO ENTRY!