Magi Games

Battle Task 3: Scores and Feedback

ariel_paiment1 versus Several7s

Several7s,

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 12

Zadaan FEEELS. I loved the conversation with Evina even though the guild master was a bit harsh with her, haha! :) The battle was soooooo smoothly written and intense, I loved it soooo much. It kept me on the edge of my seat. Your design of it, instead of mirrors and them switching bodies instead, was SO creative. I feel like it's way better than the mirrors I had planned LOL. It's definitely... getting a jump start on Task 4; no idea how you sort of figured it out! Amazing job; I didn't see any mistakes, so right now I'm basically useless as a judge!

Ariel,

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 12

Before June 23rd, so 1.5 points, included black dragon, so 2 more points

KYREN FEELS. Oh gosh, why'd you have to do that to me? Man, I've missed the Jae-Eiridan-Kyren friendship! The battle... Goodness gracious, I cannot get over how suspenseful and smoothly written this was. EPIC BATTLE, that's pretty much what it was. Gosh, I was getting hyped up with them; like you wrote this so well, it got my blood pumping with theirs. I love how your characters all strategize and think about what they're doing, so even though it was a simple fight in the forest, it wasn't as simple as it sounded. Once again, I'm useless, because I didn't see any mistakes, haha; sorry I have nothing to tell you to improve on, just keep it up!

The winner of this battle is... Ariel. You both did exceptional and neither of you had any mistakes. Several7s, your arena was so creative and both of you are getting me close to your characters and your guild; I'm so attached and I love reading both of your entries. Both of your entries are stories to me. I just, Ariel, your writing was so intense and well written, it was like I felt adrenaline from the fight with them, and in the end, that's what made my decision, but this was so close! If we weren't trying desperately to break ties, I would let you both win!

wordsmith- versus Sara_R_Stark

Sara_R_Stark,

- 0.2 for punctuation

- 0.1 for grammar

- 0.1 for sentence structure

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11. 6

FEELS for Michael and how he's feeling. Loved the opposite personality you did, good character development, and it made realistic sense in the scene too. Nice seen with Evina - you characterized her perfectly! :) I love the difference between Michael and Vance's personalities - you're starting to change not only their voices to be unique but the way they act as well and it's making your writing more mature. Also, I just love the Vance-Michael team up. Not only do their personalities bounce off each other, but their magic goes hand-in-hand and makes them a hard pair to beat! I love it! LOVE the Black Dragon scene at the end; I'm fangirling, LOL. You had two sentences that ended in commas in dialogue, when they should have ended in periods because the next line was action, and then one grammar mistake, and an awkwardly worded sentence, but those were your only mistakes, so fantastic job! Keep it up :)

wordsmith-,

-0.1 for punctuation

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.1 for repetitive sentence

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.8

You had a perk to have me ignore an aspect of the grading rubric, but since they're all tied, I'll just pick one, which leaves you with only 0.2 taken off your score. Your entry had a few more mistakes than usual, but they were just minor syntax errors. I like how you expanded upon Eludia's character by going to her POV. The fight itself wasn't overly thrilling but it was still realistic and not everyone would know how to fight all that well. I did feel like it was a little bit too easy, especially since Caruk didn't know how to fight as well.

The winner of Battle Task 3 is... Sara_R_Stark! You included many different people from your guild and your entry was long and felt like a story and I was hooked and thrown into it from start to finish. Wordsmith-, yours was smoothly written and enjoyable to read; this was a hard decision to make. wordsmith-, due to a perk, not only do you still receive 10 points for winning, but because of your score you win an extra 4 points! Great job, you both!

MusicgirlXD versus D-Willy45

MusicgirlXD,

-0.4 for punctuation

-1.1 for grammar

-0.8 for spelling

-0.8 for sentence structure

-0.4 for action scene realism

-2 points for being late a second time (Task 3 and then this one and I did fix your score from last time).

1.4 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.6 point deduction

SCORE: 5.9

The disney song was great - I sang along with it, though it felt a little awkward for her to sing both parts, rather than describe the other two girls chiming in for the extras. I loved how long, drawn out, and intense your fight scene was - excellent creativity. You did have a lot of syntax errors - there were a lot of breaks in the action, words missing, even instances where you went into present tense instead of staying in past tense. Your spelling needs some work, and there were a few sentences in dialogue that should have had commas instead of periods, or periods instead of commas. Also, some of the action scene didn't quite make sense. It seemed like this was a little more rushed than usual, so a bit more time reading and editing it next time will help your score go up. If you would like some specific feedback next task, let me know! You handed in on the 27th, and the due date was the 25th, and since you were late last time, you did have 2 points taken off for being late, but I have fixed your wrong score last time and I apologize for that. I love your characters and how well you're developing them and showing their personalities. It was an intense fight regardless of the syntax errors and I enjoyed reading it!

D-Willy45,

-0.7 for punctuation

-0.4 for spelling

-0.1 for grammar

1.6 on your writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.4 point deduction

SCORE: 10.2

WOW what an intense battle! There were no inconsistencies in your fight scene - just smooth action. You had minimal mistakes and this shows a great improvement in your writing, so I'm highly impressed! You do still need to work on your punctuation; you missed a lot of commas and periods. You also had a few spelling mistakes. Again, I just can't believe your improvement. You're also getting me very close to your guild, so I'm excited. I loved reading this; what a thrill! I also feel so bad for her at losing; feels! :) Keep up the good work! :D

The winner of this battle is... D-Willy45! You both did a fantastic job, but D-Willy45, your writing just improved so much and I'm impressed. MusicgirlXD, you also did a great job; I loved both of your entries immensely! MusicgirlXD, even though you lost, because of your score, I will give you an extra 3 points! Great job you two!