Magi Games

Task 4: Scores and Feedback

Hey everyone! So sorry it's been almost a week since I last updated. Things have been crazy busy for me lately, so I just now I had time to read and score entries. SO SORRY. But I'm back with gifs from my currently obsessed show - Star Wars Rebels. It's one of my FAVORITE SHOWS EVER and I JUST finished watching the final season so it's OVER *sobs* TV show withdrawl is SO SO TERRIBLE. So i'm using gifs to help xD 

wordsmith-

-0.2 for repetitive sentences

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.8

OMG Caruk and Tilani - HAHA they're fighting and difficulties is SO hilarious and enjoyable to read. Once again, you make each of your characters have a unique voice and Tilani is SUCH a teenager but I love him! AMAZING WORLD BUILDING with the festival for Tythan's Liberation. There were so many added realistic details and I just - WOW. Highly impressive! And penalty box - love it! Haha you and I thought alike :) I also loved how Tilani was just babbling about the history and Nylissa was barely paying attention and yet it was a nice way to introduce the history without it being an info dump because the scene was so realistic and funny. "Later fishface" OMG.

Sara_R_Stark

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.1 for punctuation

1.7 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.3 point deduction

SCORE: 11.5

I love the squabbling between Catelyn and Xenia even if it is rediculous at some points. The obstacles were creative and even though this was a short entry, it was a smooth read with only two mistakes, so good job! Keep it up!

Several7s

-0.2 for grammar

-0.2 for spelling

-0.1 for punctuation

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.5

Intense and tough crowd, LOL. Man, that fight was intense with Shizamu! Eiri, Jae, Eris, and Mordzar. Lol too bad Kyren's still in bad shape or it would have been a full reunion haha. ERIS AND MORDAZAR. MORISWEN WOOOOOO. ZAAAADAAAAN NOOOO. Awww I feel bad for him at the same time that I'm like SHIP INTERFERENCE. I love Mora's fear of Eris, it really creates conflict between them and in their guild as well. AWWW THAT POOR GIRL AND MORA AND THE WOLF AND CONJURING HER MOTHER AND PASSING OUT AND SO MANY FEELS. I love Mora and Eris' dynamic and how Mora feels about Eris - I love Eris' character but I understand how Mora feels and it's totally realistic.

ariel_paiment1

-0.1 for confusion on who was speaking.

-0.1 for grammar

-0.5 for repetitive sentence structure

1.8 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.2 point deduction

SCORE: 11.1

I had to deduce that the first POV was Alastair because of the woman, but it's not obvious who the second POV jump is and I feel that third person is a much better fit. It seemed to throw things off a bit and I found your entry hard to follow. Man, Alastair is just going through so much and his attitude stinks, but it's really good writing. I feel sorry for Duana, haha. FEELS for Duana, man Alastair is such a jerk - well written, I might add. I know he's going through his own troubles, but still - very jerkish. I'm glad when he apologized but my first thought was OH SO NOW YOU'RE SORRY YOU JERK? Man, if I was Duana, I could not have dealt with his attitude very well, haha. Wow, that ending. Holy cow. Alastair is out of control and those people were... jerks. I'm pretty sure the Gamemakers are going to have to speak to Guild Valkyrie about this little "incident" and Alastair's behavior.... Sad to say, lol. You did have more mistakes than usual this time and most of it stemmed from confusion at first with the first person POV switches and no real way to tell who was who - I was extremely lost for the entire first half of your entry and thus, it took me a while to actually get into your entry. After that, the first person POV caused you to have several repetitive sentences starting with "I" which normally isn't a problem for you. Outside of that, fantastic entry. It's getting more and more intense. Also, with Alastair's behavior, if the Gamemakers don't decide to kick him out (I certainly hope not, lol), they're probably going to be wary of Sponsoring Guild Valkyrie for their behavior. I'll have to write a scene and see what the Gamemakers decide 0.0 This is not exactly how things were supposed to go, LOL. I love it though.