The Bad Girl's Kit Kat (GirlxGirl)

33| You're Not Sorry

Kiersten|

The smell of rain on pavement floors.

I don't understand why life had to be so cruel to me. Why couldn't things be explained to me, I've been waiting for so long? It was starting to feel like waiting for water in a drought. I hated how everyone kept trying to protect me as if I couldn't make my own decisions.

Sure, I lacked the skills needed to express myself verbally. However, that didn't mean I was stupid. I know for a fact, I'm intellectually advanced. All I needed was a piece of paper and a pencil and you'd get get words I couldn't say.

I am Kierstein Angeles.

I am the same girl.

I don't need fixing.

It had been a long journey for me. To be exact, six months since the car accident. Besides surpassing what felt like my first Halloween, I also experienced Thanksgiving and Christmas. I could say with confidence that Christmas had been my favorite out of all of them. We didn't get any snow but my parents promised that we'd take a trip to Alaska over the summer if I really wanted to experience the cold.

It was now January and a lot of things happened within the past 3 months. For one, my speech wasn't broken anymore. The words within my vocals still came out slow but after working with Dr.Isabella, I was able to stop the stuttering. At times, I felt like I was drowning since my throat wasn't fully recovered. But hey, at least I was getting somewhere.

Volleyball and school had gotten easier for me through time. According to my coach, I would be the starting libero next year, my senior year. You don't understand how big that is to me because before my accident, everyone thought that my athletic career went down the drain. Now that I have a second chance, I was not about to let it slip away. Though I did not remember how I used to play or what it was like to be in front of a crowd, I was nonetheless, excited.

You're probably wondering what has happened with the girl I call 'princess' most of the time. Well, Skylar was still the bad girl. However, she still treated me different compared to everyone else. We were pretty hot and cold. Every time I felt like she was about to confess feelings towards me, she'd shut me out. The worst thing of all though, was how I had slowly been tired of the games she'd play during her neglecting phases. The light haired brunette was wonderful and sweet, something I wish she was more to others. I knew I had changed her perspective on many things but I wasn't sure if I had been doing enough. It seemed like she didn't want saving and instead the thrill of being a rebellious teenager with the exception of having me occasionally and that was something I was still struggling to understand.

As for Heidi, well she's probably the only person that I couldn't figure out. Ever since Dr.Bryant told me it would be a good idea for me to expose myself to her, that's exactly what I did from time to time. Because I didn't want to hurt her more that I already do, I would peek through her classroom windows or sneak glances at every basketball game of hers just to get some sort of flashback. Let me just tell you, they never stopped coming. Every memory of us had been perfect and that said a lot. Understanding how at some point in my life I had all of the desirable elements most people would envy, was hard to settle in my stomach. I was so painfully in love with her that it hurt to even wonder how I could forget certain things. It was as if I had fell in love with the idea of watching myself fall in love. Every little flashback that contained her smile or voice, I could remember the tingling sensations that travelled throughout my body. She was like warm blankets on a snowy day.