TW
It happens most in the evenings, thinking twice about my life. I'm always thinking about putting a stopper on life, but it's the worst at night. I don't know what it is, maybe the silence, the true isolation from the rest of the world as everyone else is asleep. Death is so easily achieved. I could do it now. I want to, but I don't. Life is painful, but I'm only seventeen, who knows what could happen after this point in life. I know nothing will improve, but there's always that tiny glimmer in the back of my mind that I will never believe.
I'm not going to end everything yet, not tonight at least. There's always the temporary relief to my pain, the one that ashames me whenever I look at my body. My body that I mistreat because I'm disgusting and fat and don't eat much. I know it's not good for my body, but it's better than being overweight. I enter my bathroom, picking up the blade from the side of the sink. After lifting my t-shirt over my head, I place the blade against my stomach, sucking in a breath as I let it impact my skin. Feeling this physical pain keeps me distracted from my mental pain, also reminding me of the pain that's still lingering from when I was beaten up the other day. There are always crowds, but it's never been that big. Apparently, everyone in the school was there, or so I've heard from gossiping bitches around the school. Blood trickles down, being stopped by the waistband of my white jeans.
"crap." I murmur under my breath, stopping any more blood from staining my jeans using a quickly grabbed wad of toilet roll. I shouldn't care, they're just jeans, but little things anger me, and this is one. I have greater problems than clothing, but I can't deal with them.
I take off my jeans, now only stood in a black pair of boxers. The blade comes back against my skin, more forcefully this time, involuntary tears pricking in my eyes from the pain, though it doesn't bother me. My actions continue until I'm happy enough with the marks over my chubby stomach. Happy isn't a word I often use; because it isn't an emotion I feel.
Ayyy another update. This is bad and I probably shouldn't go into so much detail with the self-harm, but it's a sense of relief to self-harm, so I write about that. Anyway, I put TW, so if you read on and got triggered, I did warn you.
YOU ARE READING
TOO GOOD ; Phan
Fanfiction"Too good to be good for me, Too bad that that's all I need." //Some chapter will have TW written at the top if I decide they need a trigger warning// [COMPLETED]
