TOO GOOD ; Phan

f o u r t e e n

I'm updating at last!!!

I can always tell when it's Saturday morning. I have no alarm ringing through my ears at 7:30, not that I get up at that time. I'm usually awoken on a Saturday by the sun peering through a gap in my curtains, but today is different. There is no sun, just cold air against my pale skin. My skin used to be a more tan colour, but as I stopped leaving my house as much and started eating less, the colour began to fade. I use me not being able to afford food as an excuse, but it's a shit one. At least I do save money.

I escape from the small proximity of my bedroom, walking into my living room still wearing my pyjama bottoms. They're a pastel pink, obviously, slightly too big as I bought the wrong size due to being too embarrassed to get a smaller size because of my height. I'm not tiny, but I'm not tall; At 5'7 while most of the other boys are at least 6 foot.

I set myself down on the sofa, my scared chesty showing as I'm not wearing a t-shirt, but nobody else is around; so it doesn't matter. I prop my head up with my right hand, setting my elbow on the side of the sofa and staring out of the window. Rain is spitting against it, creating small and gentle bang sounds, which are somehow calming. The sky is overcast with grey clouds, a slight bit of shine peeking out from between a few. This is sort of a representation of me, besides from the shine. I'm grey and dismal, just like the weather.

I find this weather relaxing, the constant pattering soothing my worn out and broken mind. I dislike when it's warm and sunny, too bright for my liking, as I cannot relate to anything like that. Simultaneously, I hate thunder and lighting. It terrifies me. I don't know why; it's just one of those things that scare the life out of me. Whenever there's a storm I'm hidden under my duvet, shaking and sobbing.

When my mind is blank like it is now, I have o think of something, and the same thought keeps returning, Phil Lester. That boy. There is a possibility that he wanted to be my friend, and that would be strange. I'm not exactly objected to it, but I'm not really for it. He's scary, but he's only human. What's the worst thing that could happen? We turn out to both hate each other and turn separate ways. Maybe there's still a possibility that he wants to kill me, which would be bad, but anyway, if he wants to be my friend, I'm not stopping him. He is slightly less scary than thunder and lighting after all.